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Photos: Lifehouse Tonics
Photos: Lifehouse Tonics

Sure, your homemade green juice may be overflowing with vitamins and minerals, but is it going to make you better in the sack? Turns out, your beloved kale and cucumber can only do so much—and that’s where Hollywood’s Lifehouse Tonics comes in.

At this month-old destination for functional vegan shakes, kefirs, and elixirs, each cup is packed with dozens of supposedly life-enhancing superfoods, including potent Ayurvedic and Chinese herbs that aren’t on the menu at your average juice bar (save, maybe, for Moon Juice). And—surprise!—you won’t find a single piece of spinach or stalk of celery on the premises.

That omission is totally intentional. “We blend our ingredients in a way that makes them bioavailable, while balancing and synergizing with each other to create very specific effects,” says Shayna Crow, who developed the Lifehouse menu (she’s a former manager of Erewhon’s cult tonic bar, so she knows what she’s talking about).

For instance, if your libido needs a boost there’s the chocolatey Mud Hut ($14), whose ingredient list reads like a naturopath’s textbook: Mesquite, maca, muira pauma, epimedium, damiana, mucuna, eleuthero, and tocos combine with healthy, plant-based fats and proteins to amp up circulation while waking up the sex organs and balancing feel-good chemicals in the brain, she says.

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Or if it’s stamina you’re after, you could opt for the Greenhouse Chip ($14), which includes energizing maca, eleuthero, astragalus, and cordyceps, along with barley grass, wheat grass, and oat grass. “It’s more nourishing than a salad,” says Crow—even though I can attest to the fact that it tastes exactly like mint chocolate chip ice cream (and yes, I mean the non-nourishing kind).

Lifehouse’s other herbal blends address anxiety, cognition, and immunity, while $8 grab-and-go options include the Fungi Palmer (an Arnold Palmer-esque mixture of cold-pressed lemonade and medicinal mushrooms) and the ultra-hydrating Agua de Jamaica (a hibiscus, mint, and rose blend that’d be ideal after a workout).

“Lifehouse was born out of a desire to introduce the benefits of tonic herbs and medicinal mushrooms into the lives of many,” says Fraser Thompson, the company’s co-founder. “Our overall goal is to reduce the mystery [surrounding] this wisdom that has centuries of history… It can be transformative to integrate these ingredients into your routine.” Especially when they’re so tasty, it’s obscene.

Lifehouse Tonics, 7515 Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA, 90046, 323-378-5691, www.lifehousetonics.com

Speaking of tonics, these are the best spots in LA to get your hands on a revitalizing mushroom blend. Don’t know your mesquite from your maca? Get familiar with the under-the-radar superfoods you need to know, and make sure you have these superherbs stocked in your medicine cabinet.