It’s almost primetime for tushes. And I’ve gotten a head start. Ever since my assne episode last summer, my fanny’s been getting as much love as Kim Kardashian’s. I’ve got an arsenal of booty clarifiers, exfoliants, and treatments that are virtually face-worthy. But not one has lifted a hand at firming. That changed when I tried MamaMio Bootcamp for Butts, a spa treatment offered at SoHo Sanctuary ($150 for 60 minutes). Results can be nearly replicated at home using the treatment’s three-product arse-accentuating kit ($125 for 3-month supply) that promises a “tighter, smoother, and less wobbly behind.” I wish I could show you the proof that was my pudding.
The thing you should know is that I don’t believe in cellulite cures. After years of personally vetting dozens of treatments and their claims with the country’s leading dermatologists (this was when I headed up the department of beauty skeptism at Luxury SpaFinder Magazine), I all but refused to write about cellulite products unless it was to warn readers to save their dough. Ahem.
But I can’t argue with the Bootcamp’s concrete results—a newly firm and buoyant Should-I-have-it-insured? backyard. A 30 percent fruit acid peel, lymphatic drainage massage, and a toning seaweed mask produce the effects. Weeks later, I’ve mostly maintained my uberbooty with the at-home kit.
The at-home kit
Mama Mio is known for pregnancy products, but it’s recently expanded into remedies for the boobs, tummies, and tushes of all women. The three-part kit includes the exfoliating Body Buff, Skin Tight serum, and Shrink to Fit, which contains ingredients that “help shrink fat cells and prevent new fat cells”—I think their technical names are hopes and dreams.
I’m pretty sure the ingredients help improve circulation and skin elasticity, but it’s really the act of applying them that’s key to making subcutaneous trouble spots more supple. Regular vigorous massage, if you ask a Mayo Clinic MD, has been the one thing proven to help soften the rigid connective tissue that contributes to dimpling. The Bootcamp kit comes with massage marching orders: “Girls, Shrink to Fit is not a one night stand. For the next 30 days, you need to massage two pumps into each thigh and cheek daily.”
What makes Mama Mio’s kit wellness-focused, beyond the topicals and application technique, are the tush-tightening moves (the Butt Raise and the Doggy) that take about three minutes. The London-based founders consulted with Efua Baker, a top UK fitness trainer, for “effective exercises that we could realistically fit into our day,” says cofounder Tanya Kazeminy Mackay. The possibility of results is the company marketing strategy. “Even if women see a 10 or 20 percent improvement, that’s a lot in cellulite, and it may be enough for a woman to start feeling better about her behind,” says Mackay. The Bootcamp kit is the first cellulite product I’ve tried that’s underpromised and overdelivered. That, in hind sight, is probably why I’ve kept on booty duty.