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Petraeus passes out in session (and not out of boredom)

Washington, DC, was ranked the healthiest city in the nation. We demand a recount! But no matter what, the leaders residing there need wellness makeovers. Between General Petraeus collapsing on the Senate floor (dehydration? please, we thought that was the Lindsay Lohan defense), and Obama’s secret cigarettes, we think the folks running the country need a little Rx from Well+Good…

General Petraeus, with your ever increasing responsibilities, you need to take extra special care of yourself. It’s great that you’re a committed long-distance runner, but rehydrate with electrolyte-enhanced water especially during these hot summer months. Try raw coconut water too. May we propose a Custom Cooler from the Cooler Cleanse?

Nancy Pelosi, lay off the Botox and cancel your next face lift. We want real reactions shots from you during Senate hearings, which requires movement of the facial muscles. Try an acupuncture facial or get your lift via Galvanic current.

Hillary, you know we love you, and now we all know McCrystal does, too. But sometimes your energy is off-kilter. With Chelsea’s wedding coming up, you definitely need to work on projecting warm fuzzies. May we propose some Reiki or Spring Detox Shiatsu?

President Obama, you promised not to smoke in the White House, but you haven’t yet quit smoking altogether. Forget Nicorette, try hypnotherapy or acupuncture for smoking cessation. And put both those services in your medical plan!

Rahm Emmanuel, we haven’t consulted with your doctor or examined your stool, but there’s something about you that suggests you need a series of colonics and a carton of Manna bread.

Do you have an prescription you’d like to write for one of our leaders? Tell us here!