A friend just sent me this hilarious ode to the cucumber posing as a list of cucumber’s many (unsubstantiated) holistic uses. It extols the veggie’s virtues not just as a puffy eye remedy, but a puffy thigh remedy. As an ink-stain remover, a garden slug eliminator, a Lara Bar of fur traders, and a source of every vitamin known to exist. Hey, it can even do your dishes and balance your checkbook.
Truth is, I’m slightly addicted to cucumbers. I eat them in place of crackers, and I drop slices into my water glass. And cukes are my unsung hot-weather hero because of their giant water content (that’s a fact). So those are the two tips I recommend.
Here are a few others that Cucumber Farmers of America (I can only guess) want you to know about:
1. Cucumbers are a multivitamin. They contain vitamins B1, B2, B3, B5, B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.
2. A quick pick-me-up. Put down the coffee or caffeinated soda and reach for a cucumber. The B vitamins and carbohydrates provide energy.
3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance.
4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your window boxes? Place a few slices in a small pie tin. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but that drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.
5. Cellulite remedy: Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes. Its phytochemicals cause collagen in your skin to tighten, reducing the visibility of cellulite. Works on wrinkles, too!
6. Want to avoid a hangover? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins, and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients.
7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for centuries by European trappers, traders, and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation.
8. Rub a freshly cut cucumber over unpolished shoes. Its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that also repels water.
9. Out of WD40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Rub a cucumber slice along the problematic hinge, and, voila, the squeak is gone!
10. Stressed out and don’t have time for a trip to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water. This creates a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students during exams.
11. Don’t have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds. The phytochemcials will kill the bacteria that causes bad breath.
12. Green cleaner: Rub a slice of cucumber on the stainless steel surface you want to clean, like a sink or faucet. It will remove tarnish and won’t leave streaks.
13. Using a pen and make a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly rub it along the error to erase the ink.
Well+Good has not tested or researched the veracity of these claims. But we do support the eating of cucumbers!