Out of all the things that result in extreme amounts of joy, nothing quite compares to the instant relief and excitement that comes from canceling plans. Being able to throw your hair up, put on your coziest robe, and spend the entire night nestled up with your favorite book instead is the ultimate hygge dream come true—but why does it feel so good?
Maybe it’s as simple as the fact that you just prefer staying home in your PJs rather than going out for happy hour cocktails with friends (#same). But according to the experts, feeling so good about canceling—even if you really did want to do whatever you had planned—is totally normal. And there are a few different reasons why you’re not sorry about ditching.
1. You finally get some much-needed downtime
You’re a busy girl, and sometimes crossing one thing off your overly packed schedule is a relief in itself.
“A lot of people underestimate how much they can take on, so canceling feels good because they just have too much going on and actually really need a night off,” neurobiologist Amy Banks told The Cut.
2. You might not like the person you canceled on as much as you think you do
Sure, she’s your friend—but feeling so at ease after bailing might have something to do with your relationship and how you really feel about spending time with her.
“We might have relationships that don’t really feel mutual or equal, like when someone constantly hijacks the conversation or is condescending,” Banks says. “Meeting up with those people might be stressful or draining, so we might experience relief when canceling because we don’t feel great about seeing them.”
3. Your relationship with the person is better when it’s not face-to-face
You have those people you see all the time, and others you mainly only chat with via text or on Instagram—and sometimes meeting face-to-face takes the ease away from the relationship.
“People feel that their needs for contact are met by keeping up with their [phone] so, being with people [in person] becomes burdensome,” Sherry Turkle, director of the MIT Initiative on Technology and Self, told The Cut. “Meeting up can be stressful, but online or via text, our relationships are tidy: We can hide what we want to hide and evade people when things get uncomfortable.”