Help! Urban Outfitters’ home department is a black hole for my clutterbitch personality


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Photo: Stocksy/ Trent Lanz

When I recently discovered the term “clutterbitch,” I felt the immediate flooding of relief that comes with finding a word that’s been on the tip of your tongue for, I don’t know, forever. Clutterbitch (an adjective, not a noun) manages to mean exactly what it sounds like—it’s an aesthetic consisting of an oversaturated, frenzied mess that somehow still comes together to create an inviting (cozy, even) space. Think, the overlapping part of a Venn diagram that has circles for a crowded antique store, the bedrooms from The Virgin Suicides, and the decor at the famed Madonna Inn. It’s the opposite of the less-is-more, Marie Kondo-esque vibe that’s quite literally sweeping the nation—and it’s so, so me.

Sound like you, too? In that case, listen up: Right now, Urban Outfitters is a trap for our kind. I headed to the website after reading about a magical alarm clock that brews coffee while you snooze (obviously the dream because it means you can sleep in and still have coffee ready for you when you wake up—plus, it looks like the type of thing a mad scientist would own…but I digress). Alas, the caffeine clock was no longer available, but in it’s place I found a veritable rabbit hole of covetable clutterbitch tchotchkes.

There’s a tiny cow-print fridge made specifically to house your skin care products, a light that looks like the moon, a Jane Birkin-worthy landline phone and a bunch of other delightful wonders that will hopefully help me in my quest to transform my home into a Sofia Coppola film set.

I like to think that even minimalist queen Marie Kondo would approve—the more-is-more design philosophy sparks joy for me, after all.

If you’re decidedly more Marie Kondo than clutterbitch, this is how to channel KonMarie in your date-night outfits and with your email inbox

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