Sexperts Share How To Find Your Perfect Dildo—And the Best Ones To Shop
As with any tantalizing new sex toy, finding the perfect new dildo is no easy feat. Length, shape, texture, girth, vibration, whether or not it has tentacles (yes, really)—these phallic shaped toys aren't all created equal, and figuring out which ones deserve a spot in your pleasure chest is a quest all on its own.
Need help picking out a new dildo? You've come to the right spot. Scroll to find sexpert-approved tips on how to find the perfect dildo based on your preferences (and your experience), plus the best ones to shop.
- 01What's a dildo
- 02shopping tips
- 03the best dildos
What's the difference between a dildo and a vibrator?
Dildos are specifically designed for penetration of the vagina, mouth, and anus. Many of them look like penises, although some are more abstract and creative, adorned with textures, curves, and other designs. (That's right—you don't have to get a dildo that looks like a penis if that's not your style!) Some vibrate, while others thrust, swirl, shake, or don't move at all. But they all serve the same purpose: penetration.
Vibrators, on the other hand, vibrate. Kate Balestrieri, PsyD, a psychologist and certified sex therapist, explains that while some vibrating toys can be used for penetration, many are designed for external stimulation (think: clitoris, vulva, nipples, the exterior of the anus) as well.
"Vibrating sex toys offer the gift of customizable pleasure, as most come with varying speeds, pulsation patterns, and levels of intensity. Their use is versatile and depends on the vibrator," she says. The one thing they do have in common? "Both dildos and vibrators can be used for solo and partnered sex play."
Picking the perfect dildo
Unsurprisingly, there is no hard and fast way to pick the perfect dildo—it all depends on personal preference and what you're trying to achieve in the bedroom. "Consider the kind of pleasure you are seeking, and choose a shape that can stimulate in the way you desire," Balestrieri suggests. "If you have any anxiety for your first time, you may want to start with a relatively basic, and easy-to-use dildo; something soft that you or your partner can control with a hand, so you can guide its depth, direction and maneuvering."
Maybe you like clitoral stimulation in addition to penetration or G-spot pressure—look for something with a clitoral stimulator, like rabbit ears or a vibrating base. Perhaps you like a more full feeling—aim for girthier, wider dildos that will fill you up. Or maybe you want to get your partner involved—look for strap-on dildos that allow you and them to simulate the penetrative experience. But all in all, it all depends on what feels good—which might require some trial and error to figure out.
"For people ready to take their pleasure to the next creative level, good news—there are so many dildos on the market, your choices are virtually endless," Balestrieri says. To narrow down the seemingly endless pool of options, keep these other tips in mind:
- Do your homework: Sex toys come with their own glossary of language—don't be afraid to look things up and familiarize yourself with dirty jargon. Melissa A. Vitale, a publicist and 5-year veteran of sex toy PR, recommends doing your homework so you can recognize what shapes, materials, and sizes work for you. "Get familiar with the phrases 'medical grade' and 'body safe'," she suggests. "Glass and medical grade silicones are unique yet familiar textures that can pique curiosity without being alienating."
- Use lube: This is a biggie, especially for beginners. "If it’s your first time using a dildo, you don’t want to worry that you won’t be naturally lubricated to play safely. Any penetration can cause tearing if there’s too much friction," says Vitale. Toy-safe lubes, pleasure oils, and enhancement creams can elevate your dildo game tenfold. So slick it on and enjoy the ride.
- Be open and creative: Both Vitale and Balestrieri encourage experimenting to figure out what you and your partner like best. "Spend some time with your body, or your partner’s body, getting aroused and engaging in foreplay or outercourse," Balestrieri says. "If and when you’re ready, you might try penetration with the dildo. It can be helpful to go slow at first, so you can be present with the sensations, and decide what you like and what you’d like to adjust."
The best dildos to stock in your pleasure chest
Best dildos for beginners
If you’re dipping your feet into the pool of pleasure, consider something that’ll let you wade in easy.”For those just starting out, it can feel daunting to consider spending a lot of money on a sex toy,” Balestrieri says. “The Trojan Divine Contoured Vibrator is a financially accessible starting point, great for beginners to discern if they like internal or external play with toys.”
The JimmyJane Cyra is a great soft dildo for beginners. “It has a slight curve for vaginal penetration and G-spot access, and finger holder for easy maneuverability,” Balestrieri says. “Non-vibrating, this toy is a great starting point for people unsure about penetration.”
Vitale calls this frisky phallis “a classic” that’s beginner-friendly and un-intimidating. Its bright, fun color and medium size makes it less intimidating than other toys, while the suction cup base attaches to walls, showers, and other surfaces. Best part is, it’s only $30 on Amazon, so you can get it, like, tomorrow.
Vitale also recommends this pink cutie from Fun Factory, which stands out for its versatility. It’s made from a super silky silicone that allows it to bend, curve, and move in all the right ways, in the bed or the bathtub. Don’t let its flirty facade fool you—it packs a punch in the best way possible.
If you want to try a dildo but are worried it might not live up to an actual penis, check out this one from Tantus. It’s made with a dual-density design, featuring a fleshy exterior but a firm interior that mimics the muscle of a penis. It’s safe, mid-sized, and is just as good as the real thing, if not better.
Best thrusting and vibrating dildos
If you want to step up your pleasure game, Balestrieri recommends this vibrating dildo that promises blended orgasm after orgasm. That’s thanks to the external clitoral stimulator that flexes and pulsates with spine-tingling vibrations. Both heads are motorized, so you can make them vibrate individually or together depending on the mood.
Or if G-spot stimulation is more your thing, Balestrieri recommends the Osci 2. “It’s uniquely designed for oscillating G-spot stimulation, blending modern technology with the traditional dildo,” she says. Use it alone or pair it with the matching app to give your partner control over your pleasure.
This powerful thruster doesn’t just thump—it warms up, too, with the press of a button that sends heat waves through the shaft. Warm it up and take it for a ride—there’s ton to explore. Between the twirling tip, rotating clitoral stimulator, and of course, its signature thrusting movement, you’ll never let it leave your nightstand.
For beginners who want to dabble with thrust and movement, get the Joy Stick from Lovers. It’s not too big and not too small, not too wide or too narrow, but just right and totally customizable with 10 different patterns of thrust. Arguably the best part is the vibrating base which is designed to nestle against the clitoris and perineum to make the most of your Os.
Another option for those who want the “real” thing is this tantalizing toy from Fun Factory. It’s made from a buttery silicone that feels especially good with a little bit of lube. Then there’s the detailing, like the tapered head and slightly widened body that feel amazing with each and every vibration pattern.
Best glass and steel dildos
Want to ditch the silicone for something harder and firmer? Try this polished steel beauty from Njoy. “Njoy is such a luxe dildo upgrade with i’s weight and different sized ends, which makes it easy to hold for yourself or a partner,” says Vitale. It comes packaged in a chic black box that’s equally luxe, too, and almost too nice to stash away in your nightstand.
“The Beaded Sensual Glass Dildo from LoveHoney is not only beautiful, but offers a beaded texture for internal (vaginal and anal) and external massage,” says Balestrieri. “Because it’s glass, it can be safe for temperature play, and can be chilled or warmed (use caution) for different sensory explorations.”
Lovehoney also makes this stainless steel dildo that allows you to experiment with texture and rigidity. The ergonomic curve makes stimulating the G-spot seamless, while the bulbous ends allow for customizable pressure. Put it in the ‘fridge to cool it down before you use, or warm it up under water for some hot temperature play.
This glass dildo is adorned with the best of both worlds. One side features an extra slim phallis shape while the other side is extra thick, giving you total control to mix and match as you please. It features borosilicate glass which is shatter-resistant, temperature responsive, and compatible with all lubes. And those details?! Between the veining, tapered head, dual design, it doubles as a work of art.
Most adventurous dildos
Want to go the extra mile? Get this extra long jelly double-ended dildo that measures out at a whopping 18 inches. “It’s bendable for double penetration of one person or for a shared, two-person experience,” Balestrieri suggests. Pro tip: use plenty of lube to get that jelly texture to slide and glide.
“If you want anything fantastical like an alien dildo or to live your fantasy of taming Thor, look into Bad Dragon,” Vitale suggests. “They create custom-made dildos in a range of sizes, shapes, colors, densities and of course, characters.”
If tentacle dildos are your thing, might we recommend this mini one you can buy off Amazon? Its thick-but-flexible shape make it ideal for G-spot stimulation via the vulva or the anus. (The flared base means it can be safely used as a butt plug.) Pop it on your shower wall for some bath time fun, or spice up partner play in the bedroom.
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