Like, tie-dye for moping. Tie-dye for when you're simultaneously more okay and less okay than your self-deprecating humor suggests. Tie-dye for reading Elizabeth Wurtzel and drinking black coffee after 4 p.m. Basically, tie-dye for fall is the sartorial equivalent of listening to sad songs that make you cry, but at the same time make you feel better. Kind of like telling yourself 2020 will be over soon. Shop moody tie-dye pieces below.
1. n:Philanthropy Salida Jogger, $188
The model is wearing heels, which seems a touch aggressive for the "moping on my couch" that I'm going to do in these joggers. I'm thinking more of a mismatched sock situation, plus a heavy pour of wine and my Boy Smells Slow Burn candle ($39). Perfect.
Shop now: n:Philanthropy Salida Jogger, $188
Shop Now: Come Back As A Flower Oatmeal Long Sleeve, $150
A recycled cotton, sustainably-made, biodegradable, extremely cute top.
"Affirmations guy" I met on Hinge, if you're reading this, I'm taking your advice and doing something my inner child wants to do—namely, buying these fuzzy fall tie-dye slippers simply because they're fluffy and pretty.
Shop now: Emu Australia Tie-Dye Mayberry Slipper, $70
Me to $14-worth of groceries: "I'm on a budget, do I really need to spend an extra 50 cents on Brussels sprouts that are already shaved?"
Me to these $14 socks: "I cannot exist without you."
Buy Now: Richer Poorer Women's Cable Knit Socks, $14
5. Misa Shay Tie-Dye Sweater, $295
This is the kind of cozy tie-dye you wear while working on your novel, but the elevated prose you're aiming for just ends up sounding like a string of rejected Co-Star notifications.
Shop Now: Misa Shay Tie-Dye Sweater, $295
Fall tie-dye for people who last felt excitement when My Chemical Romance announced they were doing a reunion tour.
Shop Now: Zella Tie-Dye Crewneck Sweatshirt, $65
7. Cotton Citizen Face Mask, $28
This mask manages to convey a sense of whimsical nihilism that facial expressions alone could not.
Shop Now: Cotton Citizen Face Mask, $28
8. Merrell Alpine Tie-Dye Sneaker, $110
These fall tie-dye suede sneakers give my afternoon walk outfits the melodramatic touch that they've been missing.
Shop Now: Merrell Alpine Tie-Dye Sneaker, $110
There's a scene in the Netflix documentary My Octopus Teacher (an amazing film that everyone should watch about a guy and the octopus he befriends) where the octopus hides from a shark in some kelp. In the metaphor I'm going for I am the octopus, these pants are the kelp, and 2020 is the shark.
Shop Now: Daily Paper Green Tie-Dye Reflare Pants, $98
10. Onzie High Rise Legging, $78
Yes, these leggings are great for yoga. They also are great for my new favorite pastime, which is eating dairy-free ice cream straight from the container while scrolling through the Notorious RBG Tumblr.
Shop Now: Onzie High Rise Legging, $78
11. Retrofete Auris Dress, $291 (originally $415)
A slinky, moody number that people who had their sexual awakening to David Bowie in Labyrinth (read: me) will love.
Shop Now: Retrofete Auris Dress, $291 (originally $415)
12. Hedley&Bennet Tie-Dye Apron, $95
Wear this while you make these gut-healthy vegan caramels and FaceTime your sister to discuss the latest Harry Styles news.
Shop now: Hedley&Bennet Tie-Dye Apron, $98
This long-sleeve pullover is perfect for those days where you wake up and your mood can best be described as "Eeyore" (so, like, every day).
Shop Now: Wild Fable Women's Long Sleeve Waffle T-Shirt, $15
14. Zoey Reva Monday Blues Set, $75
A hand-dyed set to wear while sipping apple cider and embroidering the custom pet pillowcases you recently started selling on Etsy.
Shop Now: Zoey Reva Monday Blues Set, $75
In normal times I would wear this with a cropped sweater and over-the-knee boots for a night out, but this year I shall wear it to dramatically pace around my apartment while a "songs to cry to" playlist melancholily wafts from my speaker.
Shop Now: Current Air Shadow Tie-Dye Ruched Mini Skirt, $98
16. Isa Noy Mini Gold Opal Necklace, $850
For an unexpected take on the tie-dye trend, try this dainty opal necklace from Caribbean designer Isabel Herrero's fine jewelry line.
Shop Now: Isa Noy Mini Gold Opal Necklace, $850
The song Lonely Weekend has never felt more relevant to this single lady than during this pandemic. And even though I am skeptical about the message on this shirt (will things actually be alright?), I do love a good art project and the chance to pretend for a fleeting moment that I'm an optimist.
Shop Now: Kacey Musgraves Lonely Weekend Tie-Dye Kit + Tee, $35
A lifetime of reading articles about how to transition a blazer from work to date-night has taught me that accessories can completely change your entire look. So when your coworkers start to look concerned because you've shown up to Zoom meetings in the same comfy onesie for the past week, simply pop on these earrings. Voila! Whole new outfit.
Shop Now: Lele Sadoughi Mini Slim Banded Hoop Earrings, $98
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