You May Also Like

Grief after miscarriage

It’s 100% normal to feel angry after a miscarriage

Asking for feedback can help you feel good at work

Feeling undervalued at work? Stop the self-doubt spiral with a super-simple solve

There’s a science-backed reason you have your best ideas in the shower

There’s a science-backed reason you have your best ideas in the shower

all your sex questions answered

Sex experts answer *all* your burning questions about getting it on

New study shows depression and arthritis link

Scientists find that people with depression are more likely to have arthritis

5 strategies for how to deal with disappointment

Disappointment happens to *literally* everyone—here’s a doc’s take on how to deal

3 anger management tips for generally nice people


Even well-adjusted people get pissed off. So how do you not fly off the handle and make good decisions instead of ones you may regret? Our expert explains.
Frustrated woman
(Photo: Weheartit.com)

We’ve all experienced moments of anger when our emotions push us into making, well, not the wisest choices.

“When we get frustrated, we often do things that aren’t positive,” says Ken Lindner, who’s a life coach, the celebrity agent to Matt Lauer and Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and author of the recently-released book, Your Killer Emotions.

“Emotions aren’t good or bad per se—it’s the act that you wind up taking that’s either toxic or positive,” he says.

So how do you not fly off the handle in the moment when it matters most and make good decisions instead of ones you may regret? Lindner gave us these three very helpful tips:

1. Never make an important decision when you’re angry or frustrated. When caught in the heat of the moment, Lindner says to take a step back, and evaluate the situation from a clearer place. We tend to make irrational decisions when we’re fueled by emotions, says Lindner. So, even if you’re tempted to prove someone else wrong or have your side understood ASAP, Linder suggests you make it a rule of thumb to never make a decision when you’d love to lash out. “Cool down, and think about what it is you really want out of that choice or interaction,” he says. (And may we also suggest a quick meditation trick?)
Anger Management Your Killer Emotions

2. Focus on the big picture. We have a tendency to forget the big picture when we’re angry, says Lindner. He remembers a time when, in the final stages of a business deal, the terms changed. “If I yelled and screamed, I would probably have lost the deal entirely,” he explains. “That would have been counter to achieving what I really wanted.” Once you’ve taken the time to calm down (see Tip No. 1), think about what your goals are in a particular situation and stay true to those goals despite frustration or anger, which are likely temporary. “You want to make sure that whatever you do, it’s consistent with what you want from the larger relationship,” he says.

3. Be consequence cognizant. A quick way to re-focus on what matters and act accordingly (i.e., not like a hot head) is to think about what you’ve invested in the situation and in yourself—time at your job building seniority, for example—and how it might be affected. One poor decision made from anger can throw off all you’ve worked for. Lindner cites Warren Buffett’s solid council: “It can take twenty years to built a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.”  —Amy Eley

Loading More Posts...

You May Also Like

There’s a science-backed reason you have your best ideas in the shower

There’s a science-backed reason you have your best ideas in the shower

Jillian Michaels on the benefits of alcohol

Why Jillian Michaels has reversed her thinking on two controversial health practices

all your sex questions answered

Sex experts answer *all* your burning questions about getting it on

5 strategies for how to deal with disappointment

Disappointment happens to *literally* everyone—here’s a doc’s take on how to deal

What is "keyhole" incontinence for women?

Um, I’ve just wet myself—is this normal?

Asking for feedback can help you feel good at work

Feeling undervalued at work? Stop the self-doubt spiral with a super-simple solve