With her trademark down-to-earth, witty style, Guru Jagat has emerged as the modern face of once-underground Kundalini yoga—an ancient practice that blends movement, breathwork, and mantras. Here, the celeb favorite (and new Well+Good Council member!) casts her yoga-trained eye on your love life, sharing the secrets to deeper connection (and a hotter sex life).
Relationships are one of the most difficult and richest areas of new thought, spiritual maturity, and candid exploration in this time on the planet, for Gen Z to Baby Boomers alike. The divorce rate remains high (between 40 and 50 percent, according to the American Psychological Association), and every manner of relational constellation being offered as the new norm. So where do we start in enriching our relational lives, as a way to create more love and consciousness instead of fighting, pettiness, and shortsightedness in a world starved of real connection.
We want intricate, titillating, and passionate relationships and sexual experiences, but our cultural conditioning and societal norms don’t teach us the science of creating this.
We want intricate, titillating, and passionate relationships and sexual experiences, but our cultural conditioning and societal norms don’t teach us the science of creating this, both in short-term and, more difficultly, in long-term relational experiences.
In order to conjure up the biochemistry of passionate and deep intimacy, we must first do the rigorous and embodied yoga of getting in the groove, falling in love, or at least starting to romance ourselves.
If you’re single and wanting to meet someone, do these practices when you’re headed out to party or social engagement. If you’re in relationship or dating, these simple techniques will deepen your nervous system’s ability to handle the endurance and pleasure of hot and meaningful intimacy.
3 ways to make contact with the essence of you
1. Deprive your mind of work and tech for at least 30 minutes before seeing your lover, going on a date, or waiting for them to come home from work. In that 30 minutes, fill your mental, emotional, and physical space with good sounds and smells. Use high-quality essential oils on your pheromone points like the back of the elbows, knees, and sides of the neck. Listen to anything that makes you feel relaxed yet vitalized (anything from Thom Yorke will work).
2. Get into your breath. Lay your spine on the floor and breathe deeply through the nose. Maybe sit up and do a little Breath of Fire (a quick, even inhale-exhale through your nostrils for one to three minutes) or try this one minute breath practice for slowing your roll and becoming more sensory.
Kundalini One-Minute Breath
Close your eyes and begin slowly breathing in through the nose for 10 seconds. Hold your breath at the top of the inhale for a 10 count. Exhale slowly, counting again for 10 seconds. Keep breathing in this pattern for 1-3 minutes and let your glandular system relax. With greater lung capacity, you can inhale for 20 seconds, hold for 20 seconds and exhale for 20 seconds, making this a true one-minute breath and totally revitalizing your brain and body system.
3. Get into your body, particularly your lower body. A little cat cow, some dancing, sat kriya, or if you want to do something fun: bundle rolls. To practice a bundle roll, lie down on your back, arms by yours sides, and legs together. Without using the leverage of your arms, begin rolling your body to the left to right, depending on how much room your have. Continue for one to three minutes. Bundle rolls balance and amplify you, making your energy field very magnetic and deeply embodied. Without feeling deeply embodied, you will be less secure and confident in yourself and consequently less able to authentically circuit aliveness and passion through your body.
And when your S.O. arrives, here’s how to connect in a deeper way
Forget about your list of what you want from your current date or relationship, or what you’re missing. Focus solely on how you can amplify the beauty or the presence of the human in front of you. Do it as an act of art or revolution. Do it to make someone feel beautiful or handsome or relevant or LOVED. Do it because its a service to humanity. The more love and honor happening in our relationships—from casual to serious—the more love being created and restored in our society at large. Then see how it makes you feel.
The more love and honor happening in our relationships—from casual to serious—the more love being created and restored in our society at large.
Be big enough to let the other person be right and feel heard. Some of the most amazing and potent words you can say to someone is: “You are right.” Instead of needing to prove that you in fact are right or more on-point, instead of “winning” the moment or the disagreement or argument, just use these words: “YOU ARE RIGHT.” And maybe sprinkle in a little smile or wink or flirtation in some way, and instead of spending the rest of the evening fighting, you will be on your way to a steamy makeout or beyond. Trust me, this is some of the deepest spiritual work you’ll ever do and the best medicine for relationship power struggles.
The most basic human desire is to be seen and to witness self and other in real, nurturing and electric relationships. This doesn’t just happen with a wave of a wand or when you’re “really in love.” It takes practice, depth, bravery, and a true commitment to expansion rather than contraction. This is why in Kundalini yoga we say that the relationship is the greatest yoga of all.
Guru Jagat is the founder of RA MA Institute for Applied Yogic Science and Technology, a Kundalini yoga school with locations in Venice, CA; Mallorca, Spain; and New York City, and the author of the best-selling book Invincible Living: The Power of Yoga, The Energy of Breath, and Other Tools for a Radiant Life. In 2017 Guru Jagat created the Aquarian Women’s Leadership Society, which has members in over 20 countries, and she is also the founder and CEO of RA MA TV; RA MA Records; and the RA MA Foundation.
What should Guru Jagat write about next? Send your questions and suggestions to [email protected].