Everyone knows at least one person who is so magnetic that they always seem to be attracting new friends. It’s the type of person who never seems to be able to move through cocktail parties and networking events with ease—even if arriving alone. Pretty enviable, right?
Life coach and What If It Does Work Out? author Susie Moore has noticed five things these charismatic, super-attractors have in common, which she recently revealed in a YouTube video. All the tips come down to being kind and authentic, which makes sense because who has time for people who are mean and fake? But even the kindest, most authentic people can get tripped up in social situations, letting awkward feelings get in the way of their magnetic vibes. That’s where Moore’s tips come in: they’re all tangible actions to do in the moment.
One you might not have heard of: the halo effect. “[The halo effect] is to create a connection with somebody as soon as you can within a few minutes of meeting them,” Moore says. “What that means is establish something that you both have in common.”
Of course it’s just as important to be authentic (there’s that word again) when establishing a commonality; otherwise it will come across as forced. But even if someone is totally different than you are, chances are you have something genuine in common. “Maybe you both live in Florida, maybe you both love basketball, maybe you both love a certain designer or a certain movie,” Moore says, listing off a few examples. Some others to consider: graduating from the same university, having a mutual friend, or even both being obsessed with your pets.
The reason why the halo effect works, Moore says, is that it establishes a mutual ground. This helps serves as the foundation for future conversations; you always have your safe commonality to fall back on. “It also makes the other person think you’re going to be aligned in far more ways than that one initial connection,” Moore adds, explaining another way a relationship can be built upon that initial foundation. “It builds trust, it builds likability, and it makes you feel far more charismatic when someone believes they have a lot more in common with you,” Moore says.
So next time you find yourself in a room full of people you don’t know and you feel those nervous butterflies start to flutter, know that this is one easy action you can take to overcome your anxiety. Once you start talking, people will start seeing you for the kind, authentic person you are—and who wouldn’t love that?
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