Do you know what you’re looking for in the first place regarding how to find love? Most people don’t. Some expect to be hit by a lightning bolt of sudden attraction, whereas others like the idea of falling for a friend. Some date endlessly, looking for certain traits, as if they were checking items off a grocery list; others operate on a less-discerning continuum and seem to fall into relationships seamlessly.
Regardless of your patterns in the pursuit of love, finding it is the greatest and most-arduous journey that many of us will ever take. And if you wish your route were simpler for you to manage, you may be in luck. Your Myers-Briggs personality type actually holds some important insight into how you can best look for and find love. (Still haven’t learned your Myers-Briggs yet? You can find out more here. Want to take a deeper dive in your downtime this week? Check out our guide to cognitive functions.) Below, learn what your Myers-Briggs type can tell you about your romantic search.
Here’s how to find love, according to your Myers-Briggs personality type.
ISFJ: Take a chance
ISFJs are supremely concerned with doing the right thing, making the right choice, finding someone suitable. You have a tendency to get in your own way, often deferring to the feelings of others, afraid to really take the leap of faith and go after someone you can’t stop thinking about. Forgetting what everyone else thinks, what everyone else wants for your life, and going all in on what feels like a risky bet is your final barrier to finding love.
ESFJ: Focus on your feelings
You love love—the idea of it, imagining it, and wondering if the next person you encounter may be your person. So consider how someone makes you feel: Do they lift you up, inspire you, and make you feel better about yourself?
If they leave you feeling frustrated, let them go; if they leave you feeling better, pursue them and grow in love.
ISTJ: Look for your balancing act
ISTJs seek balance in all things, but often lose that grip in work and other areas of life. So, you need someone who complements you—who reminds you to stop and smell the roses. You thoroughly enjoy taking things slowly, but you often feel the pressure to perform, work, and do. The right person for you will slow you down naturally and take the pressure off in a way that feels effortless.
ESTJ: Lead with your head
ESTJs spend a lot of time looking for big, explosive feelings, but your inner workings are not the embodiment of a rom-com. You have trouble accessing your feelings and have a better sense of what you’re not into than what you are into.
While seeking love, lead with your head. Ask yourself: Is this person fun? Do they make sense to my life? Are they best-friend material? For you, it’s about checking the boxes; the feelings will come later.
ESFP: Get off the ride
ESFPs are nearly never without romantic options—and they tend to inadvertently break hearts. You don’t slow down for anyone, and your biggest roadblock for finding love is your pace. You run from those who show sincere interest or at least keep them at arm’s length. So when you meet someone you can’t stop thinking about, let them catch up to you.
ISFP: Find your home base
ISFPs tend to float from one to the next because it’s easier to leave than be left. To truly open up and access the vulnerability required to be in love, though, you’ll need to feel totally safe. You pair best with someone you know extremely well—like a good friend or a longtime acquaintance—and with whom romance can naturally evolve. Make sure trust precedes opening up so you’re less likely to balk at the idea of allowing someone to stay.
ESTP: Wait for the person who pushes you
ESTPs are nonchalant, relaxed, chill. In the moment, you want someone who’s easy to read, doesn’t challenge you very much, and meets you halfway. Bigger picture, though, you are bored easily and “simple” simply won’t do for you. You aren’t used to the person who pushes you to be more open, more available, and expand in new ways—but you won’t be able to forget them, either.
ISTP: Choose someone over and over
ISTPs like being on their own and doing their own thing, but deep down, they long for a like-minded companion to share in their adventures. But you’re also afraid to let someone in who may compromise your perfectly independent existence. To find love, let a relationship evolve. And at the turning point where you could disappear, choose that person again and again. Once you’re over the hump and in love, it will be easy.
ENFP: Find your stabilizer
ENFPs always chase the next great thing—a person you can’t get enough of, and with whom you can’t easily tell whether your feelings are reciprocated. The right person for you, though, will not keep you guessing. They’ll be vocal about their interest, and will support all of your wild ideas. This person will grow on you, and the attraction will boom later on. You love mind games, but that’s not love. Love is the person who protects you in the deep, emotional ways you need.
INFP: Seek inspiration
INFPs might pass up a million so-called perfect prospects because you know something isn’t right. You are at your best when you’re leaning into possibility. The problem is you often see flaws early on, so the lust fades quickly. When you meet someone who still seems full of possibilities after a few months, who sends tons of inspiration your way, you’ll know you’ve met your match.
ENFJ: Notice your patterns
ENFJs tend to take on the feelings of others. When someone expresses interest, you naturally reciprocate. But your own feelings eventually emerge; you may be shocked to find yourself not at all interested in someone after having some space from them. Notice your patterns, and start tapping into your intuition. The right person for you will feel right in your gut, even when you’re not together physically. Look for that deep desire to integrate them into your life.
INFJ: Trust yourself
INFJs tend to be sensitive souls, and they can often shy away from the very people they are most interested in because they fear the worst of outcomes. INFJs need to trust their internal wisdom, remembering that they know what’s best for their life and can recover should they make the wrong choice. Meditation can help, as can focusing on inner strength and journaling. To find love, trust your feelings, and adapt as you go.
INTJ: Lay down your defenses
INTJs spend a lot of time theorizing about the type of love that would be best for them instead of going out and trying to experience it. You keep your heart locked up behind closed doors, thinking you can avoid the pain if you vet someone fully and accurately before you let them in. Unfortunately, all your tests, rules, games, and walls will keep you from the right person. Once you learn to lay down your defenses, you’ll be ready for love.
INTP: Find your best friend, period
INTPs have a unique sense of humor and a huge mind. As such, you need someone who just gets you. You won’t experience love with fireworks or overwhelming feelings; you’ll experience it by knowing who you want to spend all your time with. You need to find a best friend, a partner, and a mind mate all in one. In fact, you may already know who that is…
ENTP: Find the one you can’t live without
ENTPs struggle with the concept of love, and for them, the process to find it takes time. You tend to fall quickly and try on relationships for size, but rarely do your feelings sustain. When the lust wears off, you can see if it’s actually real. For you, finding love is more about putting everything into perspective. If the idea of breaking up with someone seems tragic to you, you’ve probably found love. Look for not the one you want, but the one you can’t live without.
ENTJ: Make time for it
ENTJs know what they love, and they know they can make any relationship work. You are a charismatic, tenacious go-getter in both your professional and personal life, but you put off romance in trying to prove to yourself that you’re ready for the right person. That person can pass you by, and you’ll never reach that feeling of readiness. To finally find love, carve out time for it and let yourself fall. Believe that being “ready” is about willingness to try, not a magical feeling that you’ve got it all figured out.
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