Reminder: Most vulva-owners don't orgasm from penetrative sex alone. Whether it's from steamy oral sex or some nipple play, most people with vaginas need a little extra something something to "get there." This is science—a 2015 study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that just 18 percent of respondents orgasmed from penetrative intercourse alone, without any other stimulation of the erogenous zones. The other majority of respondents needed help from parts of the body, especially the clitoris, which reportedly helped 36 percent of respondents achieve orgasms during penetrative sex.
- Kenneth Play, sex hacker, international sex expert, and sex educator
As one of the 36 percent who need clitoral action to achieve orgasm, I'm on a seemingly endless quest to find a toy that helps me enjoy P-in-the-V sex more. Sure, penetration feels good, but when my clitoris gets a little love? It feels so much better, and almost always ends in me climaxing. Anything that can help this happen for me and my boyfriend is more than welcome in our bedroom.
This journey has led me to experiment with literally hundreds of tingly thrusters, buzzy baubles, and more steamy sex toys. I'd say nine times out of 10, sex ends up with me holding a classic clitoral vibrator over my vagina which feels great, but is often clumsy and gets in the way of things. That's why I'm truly in love with the latest gadget in our sexy repertoire: the JimmyJane Deimos Vibrating Cock Ring ($94), a hands-free cock ring vibrator that steams up penetration for both me and my partner.
If you're not familiar with cock rings, or c-rings, they're an inclusive, user-friendly toy made to give both penis and vulva- owners pleasure. Kenneth Play, international sex educator and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series, explains that traditionally, cock rings were designed to slide over the penis to restrict blood flow and ultimately hold erections for longer periods of time. Over the years, these trusty gadgets evolved for vulvar pleasure, too, by adding features like vibration and experimenting with overall design. Toys like the Deimos—which features a vibrating rabbit-ears style to tickle the clitoris—provide hands-free pleasure for both partners.
"[Cock rings] are especially excellent for vulva-owners to ride on top to receive continual clitoral stimulation," he says. "It’s great during partnered play because you can switch positions and always have extra stimulation nearby. You don’t need to keep track of a toy in the bed because it stays on one partner. Plus, it leaves hands and mouth free for other erogenous zones."
Can confirm: The Deimos does all these things. Using it feels great and frees up both of our hands to explore and indulge as we please. Upon opening up the box, I found two gizmos inside: the actual cock ring itself, and a little disc-shaped remote. This little remote controls the vibration levels (there are three) and patterns (there are seven) while it's being used. So it's hands-free in the sense that it's a wearable that stays in place during sex, but also in the sense that I don't have to reach down to press any buttons to change things up. The power is all in the remote, which is about the size of a quarter and doesn't get in the way of, well, the good stuff.
But the ring itself is the star of the show. Each Deimos features a stretchy-but-firm silicone ring that slides down the shaft and sits stimulates the penis. (Play suggests going with a silicone ring if you're just getting into cock rings, as they're normally body safe for both partners compared to harder materials.) According to my boyfriend, the rumbly vibration offers, "a lot of good stimulation at the base." Great! But from my perspective, this gadget has been a total-game changer for penetrative sex, and I can't stop recommending it to anyone who also struggles to orgasm from penetration alone.
That's because the rabbit "ears" on the ring are each powered by individual motors that target the clitoris with every stroke. With this handy-dandy ring, I can enjoy penetrative sex in truly the most relaxed way possible. There's no fumbling with fingers trying to find the clit, or maneuvering a toy around body parts to hit the right spot—my boyfriend and I can enjoy sex freely and pleasurably, letting the Deimos do all the work for us.
Partnered with a penis-owner, this toy is a must-have. But you don't need a penis to use it. The fun thing about the Deimos is it's a ring, which makes stimulation around you or your partner's vulva way easier and ergonomic compared to traditional dildos and toys. Simply loop it around your fingers, drift the Deimos over different erogenous zones, like over nipples, around the labia, and on top of the clitoral hood.
If you do have penis, you can use it for masturbation, too. "Cock rings, especially those with a flexible band, can be great for solo-play and edging," Play says. "Loop the band around the base of penis and your testicals to prolong your arousal and delay your climax. It maintains erection or harder erection by trapping blood in the penis by putting pressure at the base of the shaft once an erection is established."
There is no wrong way to use JimmyJane's Deimos—it's inclusive and user-friendly, not to mention easier on the wallet than traditional, triple-digit sex toys. Whether you're like me and part of the 36 percent of women who need clitoral action to get off, or just want to spice things up in the bedroom, this rumbly little ring is without a doubt worth a spot in your nightstand.
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