Mom Guilt? Not for Ilana Glazer

I'm a new parent, and I'm currently living through the general idea that nobody quite gets stressed like a parent (this is where my own parents would chime in with an "I told you so"). According to research, one in three parents report high levels of stress, and nearly half of them say their daily stress feels overwhelming. Calm, the popular mindfulness app, gets this and is helping to address the parental stress by taking their mindfulness resources a step further.

In collaboration with California Surgeon General Diana E. Ramos, MD, and journalist Jennifer Wallace, Calm is introducing Not Calm Moms, a new initiative that offers long-term support to moms through thoughtful programming (including a Reddit community for judgment-free venting, and other digital mental health resources). To spread the word about these resources, Calm partnered with actor and comedian Ilana Glazer, who is also mom to a four-year-old daughter.

I got to sit down with Glazer for Well+Good, and during our conversation, she shared how she keeps her "calm" as a mom, how she values community with other parents, and how she rejects the idea of "mom guilt" altogether. Read more, ahead.

On keeping her "calm"

"I'm excited to be teaming up with Calm for their Not Calm Moms initiative, because I keep my calm by staying in community with other mothers, some of whom are my OG best friends. I grew up on Long Island and live in Brooklyn, so I'm really connected to my best friends of 30 years. Still, I find that making friends with other parents through my kids' school and out in the community is the way I stay grounded in the sometimes volatile experience of being a working parent in today's crazy world."

On making mom friends

"A lot of people struggle with mental health breaks after they have a kid, because it's so intense, physically and chemically. But I was on the high of becoming a mom for the first two-and-a-half years. However, after I started to readjust after those first two years, I was super happy I had formed those relationships. It's really cool to get to know other parents and learn how they're doing it. What I love most about making friends with people in the context of being a parent is that they get real so quickly—there's less judgment, and it's easier to let your guard down a little bit."

On her morning routine as a mom

"I literally jump out of bed when my child calls me, and my husband and I take shifts. Right now, I'm on Broadway, so I work many more hours away from home than I normally do. So when my kiddo wakes up, I am with her immediately, and I'm with her for about an hour, and then I get back to sleep. My husband is really passionate about sleep health and he's really drilled the importance of focusing on sleep to me, so making sure I get enough rest is critical to getting me out of the door."

On embracing mess

"Being a human is so much messier than the script we've been fed by society, and that's what I love about this Calm initiative: It's providing resources for the messiness. There's no perfect formula or perfect structure or routine—and honestly, that pressure put on moms is fed to us so we keep feeling insufficient and buying stuff."

On managing mom guilt

"I posted a video on Instagram about mom 'guilt' versus mom 'sad,' which perfectly captures how I feel about this. Mom guilt is something put on us from the outside. So, for me, managing that is about confronting it and understanding that this guilt isn't real—it's a manufactured emotion. However, sometimes, what I actually feel is sadness. It could be the sadness of working and missing precious moments with my kid, which is important to acknowledge as an inside feeling.

But mom guilt? I don't acknowledge it, because it isn't real. I allow myself to feel sad, though, and let it cycle through me, which is a constant work in progress. Ultimately, it's about reminding myself that I am perfect the way that I am and releasing the outside noise that is so loud."