“It’s pretty,” the bride said. “But what’re you going to do about those?”
“Those” were my breasts, which are in the D-cup range (give or take, depending on the bra brand and my own bodily fluctuations). And while this was far from a Lil’ Kim moment, I had to admit that my cleavage did pull a bit of focus. It was time for a new bra.
I Googled “bras to make your boobs look smaller,” and by the time I emerged from my minimizing-bra rabbit hole, I had a few options making their way to my door.
While most of the minimizing bras I tried took a lock-and-load approach to breast reduction, with rigid fabric, wide straps, and many a hook-and-eye clasp, the Spanx Bra-llelujah (a name that will never not be funny to me) was mercifully lightweight. This bra isn’t billed as a minimizer—and Spanx points out that not all customers will see a minimizing result (for that, they recommend the Low Profile Minimizer)—but I found the fact that it’s unlined, meaning it doesn’t have that extra cup layer of shaped foam, had a chest-size-reducing result for me. Because the bra still has an underwire, though, it remains supportive.
“Eighty percent of support come from the bottom band—straps do nothing,” Heather Cvitkovic, director of apparel merchandising at Brooks Running, previously told Well+Good. “If you’re getting proper support from the bottom, your straps should not be working very hard.” The Bra-llelujah back strap features what Spanx calls “graduated zones” of elasticity in order to hug your bod without cutting into your skin.
Other qualities that make this bra a winner: its front clasp (no Cirque du Soleil moves necessary to fasten this bad boy) and fully elastic straps. I was skeptical at first that the non-adjustable straps would fit well and not stretch out over time. But I bought my first Bra-llelujah over a year ago, and it hasn’t lost its elasticity or supportiveness.
The unlined Bra-llelujah is currently available in just two colors, black and what Spanx calls “naked 2.0” (a medium neutral color), and up to a size 38 DD. The lined version of the bra (which I haven’t tried, but has the same front clasp and stretchy back and straps) is now available in four colors and up to a size 40DDD.
For those keeping track, the wrap dress didn’t end up being “the one” for my friend’s wedding, but the Bra-llelujah (lol) is the only underwire bra in my drawer today.
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