Given that I've spent the majority of 2020 in the fetal position under a weighted blanket, whispering "I'm baby" over and over while Disney+ plays in the background, it's only fitting that I want to swaddle myself in an adult onesie, unitards and loose-fitting jumpers alike. Whichever style you choose, there's something cozy and reassuring about slipping into a stretchy one-piece outfit (fall's answer to the OV exercise dress). It cocoons you in soft fabric and memories of when you weren't witnessing the apocalypse. Shop 12 adult onesies for fall below.
Great for activities such as: ugly crying as you scroll through photos of your vacation last summer, working the polls on election day, and trying to make your dog TikTok famous to stave off your existential dread. It's available in three colors (black, ivy, and navy) and in sizes 4XS to 4XL.
Shop now: Universal Standard Next-to-Naked Bodysuit, $95
2. Inamorata Centre Catsuit, $90
The laws of the universe have pretty much exploded like trees this year. But, according to completely anecdotal evidence from my own life, the one that has remained strong is that you will inevitably run into an ex when you're wearing your oldest pair of sweats and haven't washed your hair in I-don't-know-how-many-days long. From now on all my Trader Joe's runs will involve this ribbed catsuit, an oversized cardigan, and streamlined sneakers. It's a look that is both comfy and cute and has just enough cleavage to distract from the alarming number of $3 bottles of wine I have in my cart.
Shop now: Inamorata Centre Catsuit, $90
3. By ACM Halo Catsuit, $84
By ACM sells their handmade clothes in pre-order capsules, so that they don't overproduce items and contribute to waste. Meaning: This one-piece is both sexy and sustainable. It comes in both black and a pretty blue-grey color, both of which look like something Maddie from Euphoria would wear.
Shop now: By ACM Halo Catsuit, $84
4. Smash + Tess The Sunday Romper, $125
With the help of this onesie, I will be able to complete my metamorphosis into "despondent Shania Twain."
Shop now: Smash + Tess The Sunday Romper, $125
5. Beyond Yoga Elevation Capri Bodysuit, $148
This bodysuit is made out of Beyond Yoga's signature fabric, which is so incredibly soft that when it touches your skin you'll remember what it feels like to have serotonin coursing through your brain.
Shop now: Beyond Yoga Elevation Capri Bodysuit, $148
This number makes me feel like the lithe ballerina I aspired to be as a child, but never became thanks to poor hand-eye coordination and a tendency to quit things I don't immediately excel at.
Shop now: Free People Side to Side Performance Onesie, $98
7. Naked Cashmere Patti Jumpsuit, $195
This adult onesie is made from fair trade, sustainable, cruelty-free cashmere gathered from free-roaming goats in Mongolia who get once-a-year grooming. (Oh, to be a free-roaming goat...) It's soft and cozy enough to give you a temporary reprieve from the constant stress of simply existing. Choose from 12 soothing neutral colors.
Shop now: Naked Cashmere Patti Jumpsuit, $195
8. H&M Jumpsuit, $30
Dip your toe into the world of unitards with this simple, affordable black number. The neckline is cut in a V in both the front and the back, and it has a lightly supported bust with removable pads.
Shop now: H&M Jumpsuit, $30
9. Girlfriend Bike Unitard, $78
True story: A carful of hot surfers broke down in front of my apartment the other week. In a true 2020 cruel twist-of-fate, I was unable to enjoy this scenario—which, yes dear reader, come to think of it does sound like the beginning of a porn video—because they were not social distancing or wearing masks. I wish I had been wearing this unitard while I internally screamed at them, instead of something embarrassing like—totally random example—a Jonas Brothers concert T-shirt. The compressive fabric is made out of recycled plastic water bottles. It comes in an array of colors, and sizes up to 6XL.
Shop now: Girlfriend Bike Unitard, $78
10. Sweaty Betty Gary Jumpsuit, $108
Sixteen years ago, in April 2020, I lived in Sweaty Betty's Gary pants because they're insanely comfortable and lightweight; this jumpsuit is a riff on those that eliminates your need to also find a clean top.
Shop now: Sweaty Betty Gary Jumpsuit, $108
11. Live the Process Sky Bodysuit, $208
My gut says: "There is a high probability that you will accidentally get chipotle dust from your favorite baked chickpeas all over the light colors of this jumpsuit." But my heart says: "Colors. Pretty. Need." So, I think it's pretty obvious which one I'm going to listen to.
Shop now: Live the Process Sky Bodysuit, $208
12. Year of Ours Johanna Rib Onesie, $110
I will be pairing this with my Biden-Harris sweatshirt and a giant glass bottle of Pinot Noir while I FaceTime my sister to watch the election results come in on November 3. Good thing it's incredibly comfortable because it looks like due to the high volume of the expected vote-by-mail ballots, it could take several days to get the final election results. Due to the suspense, I will be too anxious to do anything remotely human, including change my clothes.
Shop now: Year of Ours Johanna Rib Onesie, $110
13. Nike Yoga Luxe Onesie, $78
This halter onesie is lightly compressive and comes in sizes XS to 2XL. The open back and strategically placed breathable accents will help keep you cool when you do your at-home yoga practice. If you turn off your fan and let the climate change-induced heatwave do its thing, close your eyes, and dissociate it's almost possible to imagine that you're actually in your favorite hot yoga class.
Shop now: Nike Yoga Luxe Onesie, $78
14. Gil Rodriguez Eva Unitard, $124
The 2020 version of that iconic Britney Spears catsuit.
Shop now: Gil Rodriguez Eva Unitard, $124
15. Aerie Track Jumpsuit, $45
Last year I had two brief (separate) affairs with Italian men who wore their sweatpants similarly scrunched up on their calves, only higher. (Yes, there's a lot to unpack there, but for the sake of brevity and my ego, I'm moving on.) This jumpsuit reminds me of simpler times when we were allowed to touch other humans. It also boasts 324 five-star reviews.
Shop now: Aerie Track Jumpsuit, $45
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