Personal planets relating to relationships is a concept discussed in What’s Your Sign?, the recently published book by astrology app Sanctuary. Those personal planets most in question are Mercury, Venus, and Mars. Astrologer Rachel Lang says they relate to how we conceptualize and communicate, the things we value in life, and how we achieve our goals, respectively.
With this in mind, it's key to know your Mercury sign, Venus sign, and Mars sign. As Sanctuary’s creative director Haley E.D. Houseman—who oversaw the creation of the book and is a student of astrology—says, this information about your personal-planet placements may help you to bring your best self to your relationships. When you contextualize your planet placements in relationships, you’re working with the energy from your birth chart, as opposed to spinning your wheels to access certain strengths you might think are necessary in the moment, Houseman says. (To find the placements of your personal planets—aka which signs those planets are in—input your date, time, and location of birth into your favorite astrology app, or an online generator like this one.)
Keep reading to learn how Lang and Houseman say people’s personal planets relate to their relationships.
What each personal planet means for relationships
“Mercury rules movement and flow, which is why it rules both communication and travel,” says Houseman. “It's associated with…the tangible ways that you communicate—your texts, your emails, your Twitter. But it also rules how you express yourself in your body language and how you express in the way that you approach relationships.”
"Mercury rules how you express yourself in your body language and how you express in the way that you approach relationships.” —Haley E.D. Houseman, creative director, Sanctuary
This, of course, relates to how an individual might deliver a message, but it also more practically extends to what they’re talking about and what they’re interested in, Lang says. “Communication is such a vital component of relationships, [and] looking at Mercury can help us understand how to speak our partner’s or our friend's language,” says Lang. “It also relates to our own internal dialogue: How are we thinking about [and talking to] ourselves?”
This Mercury-powered combination of internal and external dialogue brings the potential to bridge communication gaps, so long as you’re aware of your Mercury sign and your loved one’s sign (which you can also check via an astrology app or online generator), says Lang. The sign that Mercury is in indicates the way that people might process information, Lang adds.
For instance, someone who has Mercury in Leo might skew dramatic with the way they express themselves and tell stories, says Lang. Meanwhile, Mercury in Capricorn folks tend to want to get straight to the point. When these two opposite signs are aware of their differences, Lang adds, they can help each other move away from their respective extremes and find a more balanced approach to communicating.
Astrologically speaking, Venus represents how we attract love into our lives and is also the planet of self-worth, says Lang. “When we're looking at Venus in the context of relationships, it can help us understand how much we feel like we deserve love. It’s related to who we see ourselves attracting. Do we date down or are we going to attract someone who's an equal?”
Houseman adds that Venus also rules what people find aesthetically pleasing, how they may act when they’re in love, and what brings them pleasure—which makes total sense in the context of personal planets and relationships.
For an example of how this might play out, consider someone who is a Venus in Cancer and Venus in Sagittarius. Venus in Cancer folks may want to nurture in relationships, says Lang. “Often, there’s this sense of wanting to feed you, and they tend to be a little more reserved in terms of how they pursue a relationship, because they want a sense of security,” which is a hallmark trait of Cancer. And for Venus in Sagittarius folks, who may love a sense of freedom, the ideas of change and variety are what's alluring. “They want a little bit of adventure in relationships,” which seems opposite to Cancer’s need for stability.
That said, having different Venus placements doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. It just means that “There needs to be a balance between” how much time people spend doing things they enjoy and how much time they spend doing things others enjoy, says Lang.
“Mars looks at our physicality, our determination, and how we get excited, worked up, or mad,” says Houseman. Because emotions are such a driving force in relationships (and in our lives at large), it makes sense that this personal planet would have an impact on folks’ connections.
“Mars is our passion planet,” says Lang, adding that it relates to our sexual energy (as opposed to Venus’s influence that’s more sensual and emotional). This fiery planet is also indicative of how a person behaves during conflict—including whether they’re passive aggressive and whether they can set healthy boundaries, Lang adds.
When people’s Mars signs are opposite in a relationship—like, say Mars in Libra and Mars in Aries—it can affect their sexual energy as well as their arguments. “Mars is really happy and dignified in Aries because it rules that sign,” says Lang. “Mars in Aries [people] are very feisty and very comfortable with their own sexual urges and desires. There's a lot of passion with that placement.” People with Mars in harmony-loving Libra, says Lang, are “very much about resolving conflict and keeping a balance. Someone with Mars in Aries might be the instigator, and Mars in Libra might be trying to mediate whatever challenges come up.” Regardless of those obstacles, adds Lang, “this is a very passionate connection.”
Our natal charts can tell us so much about ourselves, so it makes sense that we can look to others’ charts to understand more about them. And, when you’re looking to see how those two can be synthesized, looking at your respective personal planets can provide good insight into what things you each value so that you can appropriately compromise.
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