Hey Prince Harry, You’re Not the Pregnant One

Photo: Getty Images/ Chris Jackson
Let me start this out by saying that I'm a royal fanatic—especially when we’re talking Harry and Meghan. I want every single one of her handbags. I love watching him interact with children. When they got married, I woke up early to watch, and when the palace revealed that they were expecting a baby, it was like someone in my own family announced a pregnancy. I stan the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. But this week, while in New Zealand on their whirlwind royal tour, Harry uttered something that made my skin crawl.

During a public speech, Harry referred to the couple’s future spawn as “our little bump.” Twitter, of course, went into full-on swoon mode. But I was more like Liz Lemon, tossing an epic eye-roll at the sentiment.

Harry, it’s so wonderful that you’re excited about your first child. Seriously—there’s nothing I love more than a man who's stoked at the prospect of impending fatherhood. But men who try to glom onto the physical aspects of pregnancy annoy me. Men who say “we” are pregnant are men I want to sit down and give a talking to. You both are not pregnant. She is. Just ask her.

I can already feel the heat from the torches of the Twitter mob that’s hot on my heels, but hear me out. Pregnancy is an incredibly physically taxing business. Ask anyone who's carried a baby. That little bump, as Harry so preciously put it, is on a constant mission to make you as uncomfortable as possible. You swell in places you didn’t even know you could swell. You wake up six times a night to pee. You feel nauseous and exhausted 24/7. And it can take a serious toll on your mental health, too.

All of those sensations I described are felt by one person and one person alone—the person carrying said baby. So no, both parents are not "pregnant." Just the one growing a literal human inside of themselves. And I don’t buy that implementing the royal “we” when it comes to pregnancy is some kind of show of solidarity (even if you are a royal). I’ve had partners take care of me when I was sick, and support me when I went through a career change. If they ever said “we” had the flu, or “we” got a promotion, I’d ask them whether they were actually insane.

So, dear Harry, I love the enthusiasm. Truly, I do. But please remember that it is Meghan, AKA America’s princess, who is doing the hard labor here. So give her the credit, and acknowledge the work she’s putting into bringing your firstborn into the world. “My wife is pregnant, and we’re very excited about our new addition” is just as swoon-worthy. Trust me.

Also, give your wife a foot rub. Her feet are probably killing her in those heels.

In addition to your partner trying to get in on all the "fun," here are 10 more things you might not realize happen when you're pregnant. And here's where you can snag the super-cute kicks Markle was spotted wearing in Australia.

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