Even I, a person who is down to her last nanogram of serotonin, am very into the whimsical feeling these patterns and prints bring to an outfit. Sure, I may have spent last night swaddled in two weighted blankets, but you’d never know it by the fun shorts I’m wearing! Shop printed sweat shorts below.
Shop now: Champion Cloud Dye Gym Shorts, $35
Could it get better than tie-dye dolphin shorts? Yes, because these ones are made out of terrycloth, and terrycloth happens to be pretty absorbent. Meaning: These are great at soaking up your tears post-family Zoom call, where you’re reminded that your cousin is the same age as you, but has gotten married, bought a house, and now has a baby. Meanwhile, you haven’t touched another human in months, and are alone in your apartment, save for the mountain of La Croix cans on your desk and the jumping spider you’ve come to a tentative truce with.
Shop now: Clare V. Sweatshorts, $99
I read something in the before-COVID-19 times about how animal prints are neutral, and at this point in 2020, I am finally ready to subscribe to that slightly chaotic way of thinking.
Shop now: Öfuurë Kiya Workout Shorts, $75
These soft, high-waisted shorts come in sizes S-XXXL, and they have pockets. There is also a matching sports bra and cropped windbreaker if you’re into matching sets (so, everyone).
Shop now: B Collection by Bobeau Curvy Donna French Terry Shorts, $58
Ten out of ten would wear these while wandering around my tiny apartment and drinking a glass of sauvignon blanc, saying: “Hey all you cool cats and kittens,” to inanimate objects, like the avocados in varying states of ripeness on my counter.
Shop now: FP One Namaste Floral Sleep Shorts, $38
Cottagecore woodland nymph is very in this season thanks to our modern-day Shakespeare, Taylor Allison Swift. These shorts are perfect to wear while scream-crying the bridge to “illicit affairs”. And, of course, they look amazing with a cardigan for peak cozy (and folklore) vibes.
Shop now: Z Supply Makena Floral Short, $48
My Instagram targeted ads have been a stream of mindset journals and weighted blankets, so it was refreshing to see these adorable terrycloth shorts pop up on my feed. I was fully influenced to buy them, unlike the mindset journal, because clearly the 83rd pair of comfy shorts is better for my mental health than something that could potentially help me become more self-aware.
Shop now: LNA Shorty Bike Short, $75
Can confirm: These leopard print bike shorts with some slides and an oversized top is a much better look for taking your dog out to go potty than your baggy leopard print pajama bottoms/chewed up slippers combo. Especially if you’re also trying to capitalize on your dog’s cuteness in order to meet your future partner.
Shop now: Kappa Authentic Cibria Tie Dye Shorts, $80
I know what you’re thinking: another pair of tie-dye shorts? Sorry, but the limit on the number of tie-dye pieces you can own, much like the number of times you can listen to “WAP,” does not exist this summer.
Shop now: Alo High-Waist Vapor Short, $65
Alo makes some of the comfiest yoga clothes, and these camo biker shorts are no exception. They make it easy to transition from working (staring blankly at your computer) to exercising (feeling your heart rate spike as you scroll Instagram and realize you know a lot of COVID-deniers) to taking your daily stroll (walking down your driveway and back so you can say you went outside).
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