This Sweatshirt Is Stain-Repelling, Odor-Proof, and You Can Wear It for a Week Without Washing

Photo: Someone Somewhere
The other night I was sitting on my couch, watching reruns of Bachelor In Paradise (because I'm too fragile to watch anything else right now) and drinking a glass of red wine. Suddenly my dog got the zooms and started sprinting around my apartment and launching himself off of things. Before I could react, one of those things he decided to launch himself off of was my body—of course hitting my wine glass in the process and drenching my face, couch, and the gray sweatsuit I was wearing with reasonably-priced pinot noir. So it felt like fate when the very next day I was assigned this story about Someone Somewhere Lifeproof Pullover, $59, a waterproof, stain-proof, odor-proof sweatshirt.


Someone Somewhere Lifeproof Pullover

Someone Somewhere Lifeproof Pullover Gray
Photo: Someone Somewhere

Shop Now: Someone Somewhere Lifeproof Pullover, Shadow, $59

Someone Somewhere Lifeproof Pullover Navy
Photo: Someone Somewhere

Shop Now: Someone Somewhere Lifeproof Pullover, Navy, $59

I'm prone to spills and messes, even without a bull terrier running around my apartment like the little blue Disney alien who is his namesake. I also hate doing laundry and quarantine has exacerbated my aversion to changing clothes if I am comfortable. The fabric has been treated with an antimicrobial, so you can wear it multiple days in a row and it won't get stinky. Earlier today I caught a whiff of something that smelled familiar, and it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out that it was the deodorant I had just put on, so clearly "Allie in quarantine" is a target customer. Also, because you don't have to wash it frequently it saves energy and water. Just when you thought it couldn't possibly get any better, the pullovers are sustainable, and hand-woven by indigenous artisans in Puebla and Chiapas in Mexico. It was necessary for me to get my hands on one of these sweatshirts immediately.

The pullover arrived at my door on a Friday, and I immediately popped it on and wore it throughout the weekend.  I also drank a lot of red wine, because I had to test the veracity of the stain-proof claim (and for zero other reasons). I poured the pinot and waited for nature to take its course, because there has never been a time where I've held a glass full of dark liquid and not spilled it. Sure enough, eventually I missed my mouth and splashed red wine right onto my shoulder... and it just rolled off and didn't leave a stain. The wine rolled right off, and didn't leave a stain. So I have dubbed this sweatshirt my red wine bib. (I swear I'm actually a somewhat functional adult, despite, well, this entire article.)

It's now Tuesday evening, and the pullover is still BO-free. This is the sweatshirt for people who get back from the grocery store and realize that their sweatpants have been covered in peanut butter but don't remember the last time they ate peanut butter. For people who have to use their iPhone flashlight at night because 90 percent of their lightbulbs are out and they haven't taken any steps to replace them. For people who have to remind themselves that milestones look different for everyone, so it's totally okay if your cousin is keeping a human baby alive and your big accomplishment right now is that only one side of your kitchen sink is filled with dirty dishes. It's the sweatshirt for us dirty, messy b*tches.

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