And given that so many people are using masturbation as a form of self-care during quarantine, it might just be time for all of us to broaden our self-pleasure horizons. That’s why, below, 10 sex educators share their best masturbation tip.
Below, 10 sex educators share their top masturbation tip to shake up your self-love game.
1. Try anal play
Alicia Sinclair, sex educator and CEO of anal-play product company b-Vibe, wants you to make the most of all the nerve endings in your anal region by bringing butt stuff into your self-pleasure practice.
And if you’re not sure about whether you’re into anal play at all, Sinclair adds that masturbation offers “a great time to experiment with anal play and get a feel for whether or not it’s for you,” she says. Get warmed up using your go-to arousal methods, then, grab some lube (like Sliquid Sassy) and insert either a well-groomed finger (read: hangnails not welcome) or a beginner butt plug like the b-Vibe Snug Plug 1, says Sinclair. “The pressure in the anal canal can feel really good when combined with other sensations, like clitoral stimulation.”
2. Make pleasure the point, not orgasm
To be clear, making pleasure your purpose is different than making orgasm our purpose.
“Slowing down and prioritizing pleasure over getting off can connect us to our own self to a greater degree.” —sex educator Luna Matatas
“Masturbation can teach us about our bodies, pleasure responses, what feels good, what doesn’t feel good, help us discover new crevices of pleasure, and teach us about our bodies,” says sex and pleasure educator Luna Matatas. “Slowing down and prioritizing pleasure over getting off can connect us to our own self to a greater degree.”
3. Use CBD lube
“The CBD in CBD lube helps increase blood flow to the genital tissues, which helps increase arousal and natural lubrication,” says sexologist Allison Sadie, PhD, founder of GoLove CBD lube. “And because it can heighten whatever feel-good sensations you’re already experiencing, it supports easier-to-access orgasms.” To try it, use your fingers to massage the lube into your erogenous areas, then bring your go-to vibrator or non-vibrating sex toy into the mix.
4. Explore arousal oil
“Arousal oils are meant to be used externally to help promote blood flow in the vulva tissue and clitoris, which is an essential component in the arousal process,” says Rebecca Alvarez Story, sexologist and founder of Bloomi. “It’s a nightstand essential for the many vulva-owners who struggle with low sex drive.”
5. Leave on your underwear
Instead of going directly to your pleasure source, stroke yourself over your undies—at least to start. “The sensation of the fabric against your skin can add a whole new dimension to the experience, allowing you to experiment with motions that may have felt too intense [without a barrier],” says Alexandra Fine, CEO and co-founder of Dame Products. “Wearing underwear is also a great way to buffer powerful toys that feel too strong for immediate skin-to-skin contact.” Bonus: no direct contact with your skin can make for way easier cleanup.
6. Change your sex toys
“You love old faithful, of course, but you should still treat yourself to new toys. Your self-love fest deserves this degree of variety,” says certified sex coach Gigi Engle, author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide To Sex, Love, and Life. After all, a clitoral suction toy (which uses air) feels different from a clitoral vibrator (which uses vibration) feels different from a butt plug, and so on.
To broaden your toy horizons, Engle first recommends investing in a toy that simulates oral sex. (Yes, that’s a thing). “Through an expert mixture of suction and air, certain toys can latch on your clitoris with the same movements of an expert lover,” she says. Intrigued? Check out the Womanizer’s Liberty, We-Vibe’s Melt, or Lelo’s Ora 2.
7. Don’t ignore your nipples
Nipples are a relatively common pleasure point addressed in partnered sex, but in self-pleasure sessions, many forget to address them. So, speaking of air suction toys, sexologist Jess O’Reilly, PhD, recommends using one over your nipples as her best masturbation tip. Another option? With lube, use your hands to pinch, twist, rub, flick, or circle them. You might also try using a hands-free vibrator like the We-Vibe Moxie to stimulate your clit while your fingers are busy.
“Stimulating your nipples at the same time as your genitals can increase the likelihood of a more full-bodied response during arousal and orgasm.” —sexologist Jess O’Reilly, PhD.
“Stimulating your nipples at the same time as your genitals can help to draw circulation and awareness across your body and increase the likelihood of a more full-bodied response during arousal and orgasm,” says Dr. O’Reilly.
8. Explore other erogenous zones
Considering the majority of vulva-owners need clitoral stimulation to climax, there’s no doubt that prioritizing that area is a smart move. But, don’t forget about all the other nerve-dense areas of your body. “Exploring other erogenous zones, such as the thighs, nipples, labia and pubic mound, can help you discover pleasurable sensations you never knew existed and also add to the buildup of your climax,” says Dominique Karetsos, sexual wellness advisor for MysteryVibe.
“Next time you grab your vibrator, start at the top of your body and work your way down, switching up the vibration pattern or speed every time you hit a sweet spot,” she says. By the time you reach your clitoris, you might just be pulsating, writhing, and otherwise ready from head to toe.
9. Watch porn
Specifically, “watch [ethical] porn featuring bodies that actually look like yours,” suggests sexologist and Gabrielle Alexa, bisexual advocate and founder of shop Bi Girls Club. The visual medium, she says, helps to provide for a more heightened multi-sensory experience.
Additionally, many people haven’t see someone who looks like they do enjoying pleasure, so watching shows you that, without a doubt, a body like yours is worthy of pleasure,” Alexa says.
10. Try mutual masturbation
Experiencing self-pleasure while your partner does the same right beside you can be straight-up hot, and its one of few partnered sex acts that carries zero risk of pregnancy or STI transmission. Furthermore, it’s the best masturbation tip that sexual wellness expert Emily Sauer, CEO of Ohnut, recommends for vulva-owners who find other common penetrative sex acts to be painful.
Sauer says needing to pause on penetrative acts due to pain can lead to feelings of guilt on top of physical discomfort, so switching from penetration to mutual masturbation can be a sexy alternative everyone can actually enjoy. “It can be extraordinarily helpful to redirect that spotlight with a little bit of lube, a couple deep breaths, and some good old hand stuff.”
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