Your Expert-Backed Guide To Fingering Yourself For Stronger Orgasms

When your favorite vibrator dies, your partner(s) are MIA, you need a quiet way to get off while home for the holidays, or you want to be totally in control of your own orgasms (hot!), you have a sexy option at your disposal: fingering yourself. 

“Touching yourself is a great way to build a relationship with your body and sexuality,” says sex-positive illustrator Vic Liu, author of Bang! Masturbation for all Genders and Abilities. But self-fingering can be an especially intimate and empowering option. Not only does it allow you to explore your desires, says Liu, but it can help you explore what kind of penetration you like. Though, for the record, external touch counts as fingering yourself, too.  

But even if you’re a regular masturbator (same, bestie) with a go-to blueprint for what works, experimenting with new masturbation techniques “can allow you get to know your body on a deeper level, as well as increase feelings of confidence and security,” according to Gigi Engle, a COSRT-certified sex and relationship psychotherapist and resident intimacy expert at dating app 3Fun. Plus, it gives you additional intel you can bring forth during partnered play to enhance pleasure, she says. 

With that, for the sake of self-possession and more pleasure during solo and partnered sex, we put together this guide on how to finger yourself, featuring insights from top experts. Ahead, sex therapists and educators offer 18 tips for getting freaky with your fingers, no matter your experience level, gender, ability, or pleasure preferences.

What are the different ways to finger yourself? 

There are more ways to use your hand to draw pleasure from your body than there are fingers on a hand. Most of them are exactly what they sound like: 

External: This is any fingering that doesn’t involve penetration. Most commonly, it consists of touching the clitoris much like a DJ does a disc. However, using your hands to stimulate your penis, stroke a strap-on, fondle your balls, or pleasure your perineum qualifies as external loving, too. 

Internal: This is fingering that incorporates insertion. Frequently, internal fingering refers specifically to vaginal fingering—or using fingers to enter the muscular tube that connects the uterus to the outer world. But the anal canal can be fingered, too! 

Anal fingering: This is penetration of the anal canal or stimulation of the anal opening with fingers. Heck, even a massage of the glute muscles and (consensual) bum spanking can count! 

Combo: This is hand play that involves simultaneous internal and external stimulation. Also known as dual stimulation, combination fingering often involves using one hand to penetrate the vagina—usually, with special attention on the G-spot—and the other to stimulate the clitoris. 

How to prepare for fingering yourself

1. Wash your hands 

Before you get down and dirty, ensure your hands aren’t (dirty, that is). “You need to clean your hands because otherwise you could introduce bacteria [to your genitals] and wind up with an infection like yeast or bacterial vaginosis,” says Engle. Washing with fragrance-free soap for the duration of “Happy Birthday”—or, for something a little more on-theme, the chorus of Colbie Caillat’s “Bubbly”—will suffice. 

2. File your nails

You also want to remove any dirt harboring under your fingernails and smooth any sharp edges and rogue calluses, says Engle. The genital and anal tissues are thin, so even hangnails that don’t look injurious can cause little micro-tears to your sensitive parts. 

“Cutting your nails short and filing them is definitely the most sanitary way to do it, but you could also cover them by wearing gloves,” she says. Latex gloves and finger cots (which are essentially finger condoms) will smooth out the surface for easier entry. If all of your nails sport a pointy tip, you can dull the peaks by stuffing cotton balls in the fingers. 

3. Corral the lube

“There are very few universal tenets in sex therapy, [but] one that I have discovered is that lube makes everything better, all the time,” says Rebecca Hartman, LMHC, a sex therapist with the Hawaii Center for Sexual and Relationship Health in Honolulu. "Unless the idea of dry penetration specifically turns you on, assume that you are not using enough lube and that your sex acts—including self-fingering and masturbation—will be improved by using more."  

A water-based lubricant (like Good Clean Love Almost Naked or Playground Naked Love) is great for fingering yourself, as it will have a slippery feel that mimics vaginal fluids, won’t stain your sheets, and can be used with silicone toys. But if you’re only planning to use your hands, Hartman suggests the silicone-based Uberlube, which Well & Good has also dubbed the best anal lube of all time. 

4. Round up your pleasure items

Outside of lubricant, “lots of pleasure products can be used to enhance fingering—arousal serum, vibrators, anal toys, you name it,” says Engle. So, if you have a sex toy you like to use during partnered sex or other types of solo play, keep it within reach. Now is also when you’ll want to take out any sex pillows and unfold your splash blanket, if you have them. 

At the end of the day, experimenting with fingering yourself is really about finding your personal preferences and experiencing pleasure, says Engle. So, explore, but don’t be afraid to return to the toys you already know work for you if you stop having fun, she says. 

5. Turn off any distractions 

There’s a reason that sex therapists and neuroscientists alike often refer to the brain as the most potent sexual organ. “Being aroused isn’t just physical—it's mental, too,” says Engle.

To support the mental piece of the pleasure puzzle, she suggests giving your masturbation space a makeover. “When you create a warm, safe space free from distractions, we're more likely to get our brains on board with sexual activity,” she says. Be sure to put your phone on “Do Not Disturb,” shut your blinds, and make sure any pets are settled outside of your room. Then, try dimming the lights or grabbing your favorite candle.

6. If anal fingering is on your sex menu, don’t fret too much about mess

If you’re planning to finger your peach, you might have questions about poop. As it turns out, encountering poop during solo (or partnered) play is less likely than you might think. 

Excrement is stored in the upper bowels, which is separated from the anal canal (where your finger goes) by the internal sphincter, says Evan Goldstein, DO, founder of Bespoke Surgical, author of Butt Seriously, and a doctor in New York City who specializes in anal care. For this sphincter to actually relax and release the poo, your body has to send a signal to your brain that you need to go to the bathroom. Then, once sitting on the throne, will your internal sphincters relax enough for poop to travel through the canal, out the external sphincter, and into the toilet. 

Now, there could be a teensy-weensy bit of fecal matter left over on the anal canal. But even so, Dr. Goldstein recommends that individuals avoid douching before anal masturbation because it gives you proof of concept that anal play won’t be messy, and thus can enhance comfort before any partnered anal in your future. (If you do really want to douche, he suggests one made with the anal microbiome in mind). 

Techniques to try while fingering yourself

1. Start slow

Sure, you’re ready to begin, but you shouldn’t go from zero to full-on finger bang. “You want to be sure you're really turned on before inserting anything into your vagina,” says Engle. 

The reason: The vagina naturally lubricates and expands when you’re aroused, which allows you to accommodate objects like fingers. Meanwhile, “when not fully aroused, vaginal penetration can be uncomfortable and painful,” she says. 

Everyone’s preferences for what comes before fingering vary, and could include: 

• Eye-gazing or admiring your own genitals in the mirror
• Self-massage
• Sensation play with a Wartenberg wheel, wax sex candles, or feather vibrator
• Temperature play with ice 
• Syntribation
• Nipple play 

2. Consider clit stimulation 

“The bulk of nerve endings in the genital region are external on the vulva,” says Hartman. While everyone’s pleasure preferences are different, data suggests that only about a fifth of vulva-havers can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. The rest need clitoral stimulation to climax, or find that the whole deed is more pleasurable when it's included. 

There is no single clitoral stimulation technique that will work across the board, as clits are like snowflakes (no two are the same). Some people enjoy direct contact or pressure; others prefer indirect touch and fleeting, flickering sensations. 

Experiment with the below techniques to find what works for you: 

• The Hooded Dragon: Use the clitoral hood—the fold of skin at the apex of the vulva that covers all or some of the external clitoris—as a buffer between your fingers and nub. Press down on, tap, or rub the hood. 
  
• The Peace Sign: Create a V with your fingers and position the button in the middle. Vary pressure by bringing your fingers closer and further apart, and increase friction by rubbing up and down. 
  
• The TikTok: Stimulate the erectile tissues around the clit by moving your fingers in clockwise or counter clockwise circles with your clit at the center. 
  
• The Jerk: Pinch the nub between your fingers and thumb, then stroke it up and down. This can be especially enjoyable for transmasculine folks and people with testosterone-supported bottom growth. 
  
• The Palm Pleaser: Use your palm to cover your entire vulva, then grind against it. Explore this on your back as well as face down. 

3. Love on your labia 

Again, most of your genital nerves are external rather than internal—but they aren’t all located on or directly around the clitoris. “The labia majora [outside lips] have erectile tissue that swells and becomes sensitive upon arousal,” says Hartman. And even more sensitive are the labia minora (inside lips), which end right where the clitoris begins, she says. 

You can rub your fingers back and forth over these lips, as you might a fallen flower petal. Or, if you enjoy indirect clitoral stimulation, you can fold them over your bean to buffer the intensity, she says. 

4. Give vaginal penetration a whirl 

Ready for penetration? The obvious but important tip here is to lean into what feels good, and redirect when something feels not so good, says Hartman. “Some people like being teased and some people like being penetrated deeply and quickly, and others like being stretched with several fingers or even an entire hand,” she says. Though for your first time fingering yourself, she recommends beginning with a single, shallow finger and upping the ante with pleasure as your guide.   

5. Experiment with position 

There are near-endless possibilities when it comes to masturbation positions, and any configuration or (private) location that feels good for you works. Many pleasure-seekers enjoy lying on their backs in a missionary position, as it supports the relaxation needed for release. But "penetrating your vagina with your fingers [from this position] can be difficult for those with mobility concerns, or who may just not be flexible," says Hartman. 

“Propping yourself up with extra pillows or a sex wedge can be a helpful modification,” as it will decrease the angle between your hand and hot spots, Hartman says. She recommends toys with long handles (like wand-style vibrators), which can help elongate the reach of your hands. 

6. Try to find your G-spot

“The G-spot is an area inside the vagina, roughly one to two inches inside the vaginal canal on the roof of the vagina,” somatic sex educator Kiana Reeves previously told Well & Good. While it’s just one of many vaginal pleasure zones, the G-spot is known to support efforts to squirt during sex as well as facilitate full-body and blended orgasms. 

You can find and stimulate this erogenous area with your fingers by curling them up towards your belly button once inside. The tissue typically has a ridged and rougher texture than the rest of the vaginal canal, and generally responds well to pressure.  

7. Tease your taint 

South of the genitals but north of your buns sits the perineum. Also known as the taint, “the space between the hole and either the testicles or vagina can be manually massaged or pressed for pleasure,” says Dr. Goldstein. 

For people with prostates, using your fingers to apply pressure to this middle zone will allow you to stimulate your prostate indirectly, he adds. “You’ll even be able to feel the effects inside the body without actually having to go inside,” he says. For those with vaginas, Hartman says this area can intensify other sensations. (In fact, perineum stimulation is the secret ingredient in the infamous Kivin Method for oral sex).  

8. Add in the anal opening

"One of the great things about the butt area is that you don't have to penetrate to feel immense pleasure," says Dr. Goldstein. It turns out that there are many nerve endings on the outside, as well as on the inside. 

"You can sensually massage your butt cheeks," he says. You could knead the muscle with your knuckles, massage the area with an oil or massage oil candle, or press and stretch the muscle with your fingertips. Or, "if you're willing to dive deeper into the crack while remaining outside, you could tease the sensitive anal opening," he says. Rubbing a well-lubed finger in circles around a puckered entrance will recreate the sensation of rimming, he says. 

9. Try anal insertion 

Now that you’re good and turned on, anal fingering can enter the chat. Start by gently applying pressure to the opening with a lubricated finger to help encourage the external (or superficial) sphincter to relax, says Dr. Goldstein. Once the hole begins to pucker—which you’ll be able to see if you’re in front of a mirror, or feel otherwise—you’re ready to dabble with penetration. 

“Go in a little, then completely remove that finger. Do it again, but this time go in a little further,” he suggests. “After a few times, the muscles should fully relax so you can advance deeper inside or move faster, depending on what feels good.” 

To enhance comfort and prevent irritation, Dr. Goldstein recommends inserting the finger at a straight angle and avoiding sudden jerky movements or weird angles. “This can damage the delicate skin or cause discomfort quite easily,” he says. Lying on your back with hips lifted and reaching down is generally best for solo anal play, he says. If this isn’t comfortable, you can try standing or using an anal sex toy instead of your fingers. 

How to wrap up the sexperience 

1. Wash your hands 

"You don't have to jump up every single time you have sex with your hands to rush to that bathroom," says Engle. But, yes, you do want to make your way from the sheets to the sink sooner or later. This will prevent you from swiping vulvar, vaginal, or anal bacteria on your sleeping spot, as well as keep you from transferring bacteria from butt to your genitals (or vice versa), which can increase risk of infection. 

If you masturbate to aid with sleep and know you won’t leave the cocoon after climax, consider investing in personal wipes or sex toy cleansing wipes to keep nearby. 

2. Clean any sex toys

If you used toys at any point during your session, you gotta clean those, too, according to Engle. “Sex toys need to be cleaned with a mild soap and warm water between every single use,” she says. “If you keep using a sex toy without cleaning it, the germs will accumulate and you will wind up with an infection.” 

3. Use this new info with a partner

Aside from all the pleasure you (hopefully) just experienced, your recent solo session comes with another benefit. Now, if you do decide to bring another partner into the experience, you’ll now know how to guide them because you’ll already know how your body works,” says Liu. And if they’re a visual learner, don’t be shy about showing them during an in-person or cyber mutual masturbation session. “You could even lie in your partner's lap and have them cradle you from behind while you finger yourself,” says Hartman.