A whole bunch happened in 2019, but in recounting all of it, I’d be remiss to not acknowledge all the great sex advice I soaked up. For some broad strokes: The world finally awoke to the pleasure revolution; e-commerce finally got some credit for making sex (and sex toys) as widely accessible as it is; and sexual self-care grew from a term into a full-on movement.
Of course there’s still a lot of sex advice to be had, given that countless years of pleasure-gap injustice simply won’t be resolved by a single clitoral-sucking vibrator. (Though, FWIW, that vibrator does help.) While we can certainly commit to continuing to push the dialogue of what sexual wellness means, let’s take a moment to celebrate all the great sex advice we learned this year. Below, allow me to get you up to speed, so you can come into 2020 as satisfied as possible.
Have yourself a naughty end of the year with the 7 best pieces of sex advice we learned in 2019.
1. There are many ways to speed up your orgasm, including the Kivin Method
If you’re receiving oral that doesn’t have you seeing stars, do we ever have a treat for you: The Kivin Method, also known as “sideways oral,” allows for more stimulation than the traditional diving-headfirst-betwixt-both-legs way. Need some convincing? Fans of the method report that it can work in three minutes, flat. Not bad, huh?
Bye-bye, blush, and hello, sex flush. American hero and associate beauty and fitness editor Zoë Weiner took this challenge for the team, and it paid off for her in more ways than one.
“Immediately after my solo romps—which, unlike my usual sex-capades with dudes, always ended in an orgasm—my face had a nice, radiant flush to it,” Weiner reports. “There was a bit of a sweat-induced glisten, too, which gave things a dewiness that no highlighter has ever been able to achieve.”
3. Embrace (or do a variety of naughty things with) genderless sex toys
This year, Merriam-Webster deemed “they” the word of the year, which is boldly emblematic of how our generation is redefining gender politics. And that sentiment gloriously extended to the pleasure market, as well.
“Making a sex toy gender-free makes it more accessible to everybody,” Amy Boyajian, CEO and co-founder of Wild Flower says. “We want to bring queer experiences to the forefront because gendering sex toys—or subscribing only to certain ways of using a toy—often leaves out queer bodies and experiences.” Being able to create sex toys to satiate every kind of anatomy means more inclusivity in the world of pleasure. Also, it’s great that we can all share (safely, of course) now.
The idea of adding a romp to your Google Cal may sound, well, unsexy. But certified sex educator and coach Alicia Sinclair, founder and CEO of premium sex-toy brand Le Wand, says she credits the habit for keeping her sex life healthy.
“This could mean setting up the bedroom with lighting, fresh sheets, and candles; personal hygiene prep (if that’s your thing); charging the sex toys; ensuring you have the place to yourselves; setting your phone to Do Not Disturb mode; and even thinking ahead about details, like creating a playlist,” she says.
5. Closing the orgasm gap just might involve anal sex
According to a 2017 study, 65 percent of heterosexual women (compared to 95 percent of heterosexual men) reported climaxing “always” or “usually” when having sex with a familiar partner. That’s hugely depressing and also hugely unsurprising. If you’re looking to get your O on, though, research suggests diverse sexual acts, such as anal sex, can help supercharge your sex life.
“There is certainly physical pleasure that comes with anal play that contributes to women’s likelihood of orgasming during those encounters, but I don’t think that this means that anal sex in and of itself is the holy grail of orgasms for women,” says Zhana Vrangalova, PhD, LELO sexpert and NYU professor of human sexuality.
She urges that consent and testing the waters with lots of “How does that feel?” and “Is this okay?” should help guide along that whole process. So you know, keep an open…mind.
6. Grab a strap-on, because this is how to peg the right way
Speaking about sex acts that are more rocky road than vanilla, let’s talk about pegging. And, after you talk about it (like, a lot), note that a good starter dildo involves a body-safe silicone, a phthalate-free label, a not-so-bulbous-head, and something smooth in texture. If I can add an additional tip there: Don’t pull a Broad City and accidentally melt a sex toy in the dishwasher during cleanup; they can be pricey.
Okay, okay, 2019 was peak CBD, given that we saw CBD shampoo, CBD deodorant, and CBD leggings. That said, the ingredient certainly sounds like a great idea for the vagina. I don’t personally know what that feels like in practice, but I do know I want to know what that feels like. We found at least six fan favorites worth giving a whirl—especially if your anxieties are getting in the way of your orgasm.
“CBD lube can lead to increased sensitivity for some, and most experience relaxation, which creates more willingness to receive pleasurable touch, which in turn may lead to better and stronger orgasms,” says sexologist Tammy Nelson, PhD.
Want some other pieces of quick and dirty sex advice? Here’s how to re-create vacation sex even if you’re stranded in your hometown. Our cuddle up with our 1-in-1,000 favorite vibrator, Le Wand Point.
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