This is how I find myself Pooh Bearing (naked from the waist down), with one foot propped up on the toilet, a little drunk, reading the kit’s detailed instructions. The pamphlet outlines nine steps, and while cute, it doesn’t exactly have me excited about the task at hand (for instance, having bravery is mentioned). Nevertheless, I solider on.
The set comes with 24 strips in three different shapes—a thick rectangle, a thin rectangle, and a square. I start with the thin rectangle, applying the strip in the same direction as the hair growth. Because I’m no fool (read: I am a wimp), I choose a relatively less sensitive area on the perimeter of the bush to toe dip in. The instructions don’t say how long to hold the wax in place, or how firmly to apply pressure to the wax. After some trial-and-error, I find that you should apply firm pressure to make sure the wax really grabs onto the hair—it’s not nearly as sticky as the kind used at a waxing studio.
Next, I’m instructed to hold the skin taut and rip, which does takes quite a bit of bravery (something the pamphlet, I’ll remind you, told me I’d need plenty of). Not to be overdramatic, but it reminds me of the moment in which I first had to insert a needle into my abdomen during the egg freezing process in that it’s extremely daunting to pull the trigger. The difference in this scenario is that the stakes could not possibly be any lower, and also you have no option to chicken out because the wax has already been applied and you can’t just leave it there. (Or can you?)
The first time I rip doesn’t hurt, but it also doesn’t grab very many hairs. This is when I start to experiment with different techniques, wasting quite a few strips in the process. I fear my hair isn’t quite as long as it should be (the recommended hair length is between two and six millimeters). After a few pube-less efforts, however, I finally begin to see results. For me, it’s not the kind of results you’d get with a pro—where the entire strip is disgustingly heavy with hair—which means that I have to keep going over the same patch multiple times; however, it also doesn’t hurt nearly as much as a pro wax does, which is a trade-off I’m not not okay with.
I’ve opted for a little landscaping rather than a full Brazilian, so I don’t actually have to do a crazy amount of waxing, which is fortunate because I use the entire package just shaping things up a bit on the outsides. It’s also fortunate because after I finish, I noticed there’s a section on the back of the pamphlet which explains that this kit is not designed for Brazilians.
When all is said and done, I would consider the experiment a success, at least in terms of at-home hair removal. I would 100 percent make the Flamingo kit a thing I do at home from now on if the next time I try it, my hair is a little more grown out and it therefore works a little more efficiently. On the scale of things-I-DIYed-during-COVID-out-of-desperation-but-would-do-again, letting my boyfriend trim my bangs is about a four out of 10, while waxing my own pubic hair is about an eight out of 10. Not bad, for something that is typically terrible.
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