Fact or Fiction: Your Partner’s Depression and Anxiety May Be ‘Contagious’

You and your partner share nearly everything, but there can be a downside to that. New research suggests that symptoms of anxiety and depression may be “contagious” in a relationship if one person lives with either (or both) of the mental health conditions.

The idea of sharing feelings with a partner isn’t new. But as it turns out, you probably share more with your partner than you think. One study published in the journal Exploratory Research and Hypothesis in Medicine found a link between symptoms of anxiety and depression, shared bacterial strains, and altered levels of cortisol (your stress hormone) between newly married couples. And, interestingly enough, couples who recently got married had oral microbiomes (aka the microorganisms in the mouth) that got more similar over time.¹ 

It’s important to point out that the study didn’t find that you’re destined to develop anxiety and depression if your partner has either condition (and vice versa). But it does suggest that you may be at a higher risk of having symptoms of anxiety and depression if your partner experiences these symptoms, too. Here’s exactly what the study found, plus what mental health experts want you to keep in mind. 

Let's take a deep dive into the study

The lead researchers for the study recruited 268 couples who had been married in the past six months and were living together. One partner was considered the "control" (the person who didn't experience any mental health conditions) while the other partner had insomnia, along with anxiety and depression. 

The researchers measured the participants’ oral microbiome composition and levels of cortisol (your stress hormone) in their saliva on day one and day 180 of the study. They also used several different mental health inventory questionnaires to check each person's anxiety and depression levels.

The biggest finding? Spouses who were the control in the study ended up having more symptoms of depression and anxiety and poorer sleep quality by the time the study came to an end. Researchers also noticed that these changes were more obvious in female partners.

Cortisol levels were also significantly higher in the partner who already had insomnia. However, the partners who didn't have insomnia also had elevated cortisol levels after six months. Simply put, this just means that the control partners were also dealing with more stress as time went on.

Another thing that researchers noted was that the composition of the bacteria in the mouths of the control spouses changed to become more similar to their partners during the study, suggesting that the change in the oral microbiome may also play a role in this change in mental health symptoms, too.

Why—and how—can anxiety and depression be contagious?

It’s important to point out that the study didn’t show direct cause and effect. Meaning, the evidence didn’t prove that a change in oral microbiome directly affected whether someone developed symptoms of depression and anxiety—or that swapping spit with your partner is enough to impact your mental health.

But, it could be true that a change in the oral microbiome can affect mood, but more research is needed, says Gail Saltz, MD, associate professor of psychiatry at the NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine. “But loving and living with someone with depression and anxiety can absolutely affect your mood and anxiety,” she explains.

Again, this isn’t completely new. “We’ve known this for a long time,” says Thea Gallagher, PsyD, a clinical assistant professor at NYU Langone Health and co-host of the Mind in View podcast. “There is definitely a contagion.”

She points to a study that suggests that people feel worse the more they complain, and that vibe can often affect others.² Older research also finds that people living with anxiety or depression can spread their emotions to roommates, family members, close friends, and coworkers.³

And there are a few reasons why this may happen. “Sometimes when the person with anxiety is bringing up all of the ‘what if’ thoughts, you start to think about them, too,” Dr. Gallagher says. “It can impact you.” If a partner is experiencing depressive moods, they may want to go out less and do less, Dr. Gallagher explains. “As a result, you may also get sucked into that depressive and anxious cycle,” she says. 

Hillary Ammon, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Center for Anxiety & Women’s Emotional Wellness, agrees. “We are influenced by our environment and the people surrounding us,” she says. “So, if your spouse, partner, or roommate is engaging in depressive or anxious behaviors, it is possible that you may pick up on some of those patterns or habits.”

One example: If your partner eats more as a symptom of depression, you may start doing the same without realizing it, she points out. “If one partner is constantly anxious about getting into a car, the other partner may also start to develop anxious thoughts or tendencies,” Dr. Ammon adds. 

While feelings can't be "spread" in the same way as the cold or flu, it's true that moods and vibes are actually contagious. “Sometimes we tend to think that if I’m experiencing anxiety and depression, it’s in a bubble. But it does impact the people around us,” Dr. Gallagher explains. 

How to preserve your own mental health while supporting your partner

Dr. Saltz recommends doing what you can to offer support without going overboard with empathy. “Avoid over-identifying with them while remaining helpful and sympathetic as a source of support,” she explains. 

At the same time, Dr. Ammon stresses the importance of celebrating their goals. “It's also important to set boundaries,” she says. “If you’re starting to notice your loved one’s mental health challenges are impacting you, let them know the limits of how you can support them.”

Dr. Gallagher also advises doing what you can to take care of your own mental health. “The best thing you can do is to work on yourself,” she says. For example, this might include going to therapy on your own. “[When you do that], then you aren’t coming from an ‘othered’ place,” Dr. Gallagher says. “You can say, ‘Hey, I'm working on myself. Can you do this as well?’” This may encourage your partner to also take the steps they need to improve their emotional well-being.

But Dr. Gallagher also suggests following all of the other known strategies to lower your risk of depression, like exercising regularly, trying to get good, consistent sleep, and socializing with family and friends regularly. While these habits will help you take care of yourself, they may also influence your partner to make similar lifestyle changes that can improve their mood, too. “When you see someone taking care of their health and wellness, that can also be contagious,” she says.