Preparing for Motherhood? Here Are 6 Ways You Can Get Ready for the Transition

The nursery is exactly what you wanted, the birthing classes are checked off, and you’re ready for the sleepless nights (kind of). But along with welcoming that tiny human comes something you probably haven’t thought to prepare for: you are changing. In a big, wild, sometimes beautiful, sometimes messy way. 

It’s called matrescence. It’s the motherhood version of adolescence—the emotional, hormonal, and identity shift that happens as you transition into becoming a mother. It's the stage where you start feeling different in so many aspects of your life.¹ 

Whether you’re in your third trimester of pregnancy or making space for a little one in other ways, there’s no perfect way to prepare for the transition to motherhood. But there are practical steps you can take now to support the person you’re becoming, not just the baby’s arrival. Let’s get into it. 

1. Learn about matrescence

Just hearing the term “matrescence” and knowing that it’s a thing can be a huge relief, Julia Sarewitz, MA, a matrescence educator and co-founder of Seed Mother, tells Well+Good. When you understand what matrescence is and what’s happening as your third trimester rolls into postpartum life, it’s a bit easier to meet those moments with kindness and self-compassion. 

“It can give you permission to feel conflicted, joyful, uncertain, overwhelmed, all at once,” explains Sarewitz. 

It’s also helpful to know that matrescence isn’t the same thing as postpartum depression (PPD). While PPD is a mental health condition that may require professional support, matrescence is a natural shift in identity and emotions. 

The ups and downs of matrescence might feel intense at times, but Sarewitz notes that you can adjust how you see and respond to your experience. This transformation isn’t about having everything figured out (because honestly, who does?) It’s about giving yourself room to grow and redefining your journey as a mother as you go.

2. Build your circle of support 

One of the best things you can prep—alongside the car seat and onesies—is your support system. “Community is so huge,” says Sarewitz. Think about building a network that covers the many kinds of help you might need. She explains it's important to think about these questions: Who might be your emotional support? Who could be the person you call when you need a meal? Who can watch the baby so you can shower? All these different levels of support matter.

Also, be prepared for that circle to shift. Yep, sometimes the very people you thought would show up don’t, and the ones you didn’t expect become your biggest lifelines, Sarewitz points. out. That’s normal, and it’s okay to adjust your support system as you go. 

And for Black mothers, matrescence often comes with added challenges, like systemic racism and racial bias in healthcare, says Dana Sherrod, MPH, co-founder and executive director of the California Coalition for Black Birth Justice (CCBBJ).^2,3 Black women in the U.S. died from pregnancy-related complications nearly three times as often as white women in 2022. The constant worry about our babies and our own health can turn an already challenging experience into an even tougher one, she says. 

Sherrod encourages Black moms to learn more about the challenges they may face and build a strong support network that understands their unique needs. And start building your circle of support early, she adds.

You don’t need a flawless plan. What matters is knowing who’s in your corner and that you’re not meant to do this alone.

3. Involve your partner

Parenthood is a big shift for both you and your partner. Taking time now to talk through how this transition might look for each of you can make the road ahead feel a little less bumpy.

“Talk to your partner about your emotional needs, your role expectations, and how you can co-create this new normal together,” says Sarewitz. And encourage and expect that same openness from your partner, she adds. 

One simple way to start: share what you’re learning about matrescence. Invite your partner to reflect on their own identity shift, because they’re likely going through one, too—even if it looks different. Make space for honest check-ins about how each of you is changing. 

And if you’re doing motherhood solo, that circle of support we talked about building is still your team. These kinds of check-ins and conversations can happen with the people who show up for you, whether that’s family, friends, a doula, or your therapist.

4. Choose providers who support you  

Speaking of doula and therapist, when building your birthing team, look for healthcare providers who understand the bigger picture of what it means to become a mother and are just as committed to your well-being as they are to your baby’s.

That might be a doula, therapist, midwife, or even a lactation consultant who’s either trained or familiar with the emotional and identity shifts of matrescence, says Victoria Trinko, MA, a matrescence educator and co-founder of Seed Mother. When your care team knows this is so much more than a physical process, they’re better able to hold space for you, she adds.

Midwives can play a big part in this kind of care for Black moms, Sherrod explains. “Research shows that midwifery care is linked to lower C-section (cesarean delivery) rates, fewer preterm births, and better breastfeeding outcomes, which speaks to the importance of having that supportive, knowledgeable presence,” she adds.^4,5 Postpartum doulas also provide amazing support before, during, and after pregnancy, she notes.

No matter who’s on your team, know that you’re always allowed to advocate for yourself. “Advocate fiercely and unapologetically,” Sherrod stresses. If something doesn’t feel right, speak up. And if a provider isn’t listening, find one who will. Connect with groups that get your experience, especially Black-led maternal wellness spaces that can create safe environments for parents, she says.

So, how do you find these providers? Look for professionals who mention “matrescence” in their bio or website, or who talk about motherhood as a developmental phase or rite of passage, says Trinko. 

5. Create a postpartum well-being plan

This is more than signing up for a diaper subscription and stocking your freezer (though, yes, please do that too, if it helps). A postpartum well-being plan involves thinking through what you might need to feel cared for during that phase. 

“It’s asking, how am I going to make sure I get rest, that I eat, that I feel supported and stay connected to others, especially on the hard days?” Sarewitz explains. 

This well-being plan is about mapping out your basic human needs when you’ll be too tired to think straight. And it doesn’t have to be complicated. Think small self-care practices that help you feel grounded, says Sarewitz, such as:

• A breathing, mindfulness, or any sort of meditation practice 
• A personal ritual that can help create moments of quiet—whatever that looks like for you
• A five-minute journal check-in with yourself during naptime
• A list of people you can call for help, whether you need a vent session, a meal, or just someone to hold the baby while you rest

Having this plan ahead of time might help you handle the highs and lows with a little more ease, according to Sarewitz. And it’s a good idea to practice them now, before you’re deep in the chaos of newborn life.

6. Reflect on who you are now—and who you’re becoming

“I just don’t know who I am anymore” might become a regular thought after the baby arrives. And that’s okay; that feeling is part of the transition. But what if you started thinking about that identity shift now, while you still have time to, you know, actually shower daily and complete a thought?

Reflecting on who you are in the moment, and then who you might be becoming, can be very powerful, Sarewitz says. “As you become further along in your matrescence journey, you can see the ways that your sense of self has shifted and morphed,” she explains. 

And give yourself grace. Let this transformation be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

How you can support a loved one during matrescence

What about if you're not the one transitioning to motherhood, but someone close to you is? Well, there are ways to prepare for that, too.

First, get curious. That’s one of the best things you can do to support someone during matrescence. Learn about matrescence itself (check out the resources below), and ask the mothering person how they’re feeling, what they need, and what’s coming up for them. “Just by asking the questions, you open the door for honest conversations, a greater level of understanding, and deeper support,” says Trinko.

As a partner, you’re experiencing changes, too. Try joining a matrescence workshop together or reading up on the process. It can help you understand your changes and support each other better, explains Sarewitz.

And whether you’re a partner, friend, family member, or part of the larger community, one thing holds true: believe them, says Sherrod. Believe their pain, their intuition, and their need for rest or space, she explains. “Simply showing up with meals, helping hands, listening ears, or love can be profound support,” she adds.

Support can also mean stepping up outside the home, such as advocating for policies that protect maternal health, amplifying Black voices, or getting involved with organizations working to improve care for all birthing people.

Resources for your matrescence journey

Preparing for this transitory stage of your life? Here are a few thoughtful books and services to help care for the person you’re becoming, courtesy of Trinko and Sarewitz: 

Books:

• What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood by Alexandra Sacks, MD and Catherine Birndorf, MD
• Transformed by Birth by Britta Bushnell, PhD
• Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself by Lisa Marchiano
• Mother Brain: How Neuroscience is Rewriting the Story of Parenthood by Chelsea Conaboy
• Mindful Motherhood by Cassandra Vieten, PhD
• Shamanic Wisdom for Pregnancy and Parenthood by Anna Cariad-Barrett, DMin
• Cribsheet by Emily Oster

Services:

• The Motherhood Center: Offers therapy, support groups, and medication management with an understanding of matrescence
• Oula: A maternity clinic blending OB and midwifery care, plus holistic workshops
• Carriage House Birth: Prenatal, birth, and postpartum support and education
• Welcome Home: A postpartum meal delivery service designed specifically for new parents’ nutritional needs

And, here are some additional organizations doing important work to support Black mothers:

• National Black Doulas Association 
• Black Mamas Matter Alliance
• Sista Midwife Productions

The bottom line

There’s no perfect way to move through matrescence. But preparing for both your baby’s arrival and your own transformation might help you feel a little steadier through the ups and downs (because they will come). Be gentle with yourself, stay curious about your experience, and reach out for mental health support when you need it. You deserve just as much care as the baby you’re welcoming into the world