Not Getting Enough of This 1 Love Language Can Seriously Hurt Your Mental Health

You’ve probably felt the immense power of a hug while dealing with grief, or simply a hand squeezing yours in a moment of distress. While some of us may crave a little more than others, physical touch is a basic human need. And when we don’t get enough of it, there’s a risk of becoming “touch starved.”

Think of it this way. From the moment you’re born, the sensation of skin-to-skin contact or being held by a parent or caregiver can make a massive difference in making you feel safe. Physical touch doesn’t just promote bonding; it also has a calming, soothing effect. Research has even shown that it can play a major role in a baby’s development.¹ This need for physical touch doesn’t go away as you get older, but for many people, opportunities to get that need met may start to wane.

So, what are some reasons why this happens, and what can you do about it? We sat down with several of our experts, and here's what they had to say.

So, what does 'touch starved' even mean?

Also known as “skin hunger,” being touch starved is being deprived of physical touch, but in a way that feels like being hungry for food or thirsty for water.

There are lots of different reasons why you might become touch starved, including:

• Social isolation: Living alone and/or working remotely can cause touch starvation, says Rachel Marmor, LMHC, a therapist and director of wellness at PAIRS Foundation.
• Strained relationships—or lack thereof: You may be more likely to feel touch starved if you don’t have many close friendships or family relationships, explains Charles Sweet, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist and medical advisor for Linear Health.
• Relationship changes: If you recently went through a breakup, or your current romantic relationship is on the rocks, that could also be a contributing factor to touch starvation, according to Marmor.
• Physical disabilities: Marmor also notes that certain physical limitations may reduce your human interaction, and thus, your access to opportunities for touch.
• Cultural norms: Alexandra Hoerr, a licensed clinical therapist and founder of Optimum Joy Clinical Counseling, notes that cultural expectations may dampen what is “acceptable” as far as physical touch goes, particularly for heterosexual men. “They don't have as many natural social integrations for touch and their peer male-to-male relationships typically avoid physical affection,” she explains.

According to Dr. Sweet, touch starvation became far more common during the pandemic, when social distancing was encouraged and many people transitioned to remote work.

“Not only that, but little micro-moments of human touch have been removed from our society because of technology,” adds Hoerr. “For example, think about self-checkout at the grocery store. Handing over cash or a credit card used to be an opportunity to casually touch someone else’s hand. It may seem small, but those tiny interactions add up over time.”

Our experts shared some signs and symptoms that can be key indicators of touch starvation, and you might be touch starved if you:

• Experience jealousy of other people who experience more physical affection
• Are experiencing depressive thoughts, mood swings, or increased irritability
• Find yourself noticing every time people around you are engaging in physical touch
• Notice that stress is affecting you more deeply, and you're not able to cope with it as easily
• Have difficulty relaxing or sleeping
• Feel distant, misunderstood, or rejected in your relationships

The importance of physical touch

“Physical touch is one of the most basic ways we feel closeness, safety, and regulation,” says Viviana McGovern, a licensed marriage and family therapist and the CEO of Full Vida Therapy. Some of us may also want more physical affection than others, and this often depends on how much physical touch you received growing up.

That said, Aine Rock, a certified intimacy coach, explains we’re hard-wired to need some level of touch. “Touch is one of the most powerful nonverbal ways we communicate care, empathy, and support,” explains Marmor. “Within close relationships, touch reassures us of connection even when words fall short.”

Numerous studies have shown that physical touch brings about a range of physical and mental health benefits. Here's one worth highlighting—a 2024 review found that touch can:²

• Help regulate cortisol levels (aka your stress hormone)
• Reduce feelings of depression, anxiety, and fatigue
• Alleviate pain
• Improve sleep
• Increase experiences of positive emotions, like joy, optimism, gratitude, and hope

According to Dr. Sweet, one of the reasons why physical touch promotes general well-being is that it can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, also known as “rest and digest mode." This is essentially the antidote to fight or flight and brings your brain and body back to a state of calm.

“Physical touch also releases oxytocin, which bonds us to other people—and stimulates neurotransmitters like dopamine that make us feel happy,” Rock adds.

How to feed the touch starvation hunger

Not getting enough physical affection or interaction—say, as a result of working from home, lacking close family and friend relationships, or living alone—can result in feeling touch starved. Since physical touch plays a key role in our overall health and well-being, touch starvation may contribute to feelings of depression and anxiety, as well as irritability and difficulty managing stress. 

The good news? There is something you can do about it.

McGovern suggests exploring safe, consent-based ways to bring more physical closeness into your life—for example, through massage therapy, cuddling a pet, or even using a weighted blanket at home. It’s also a good idea to communicate your needs for more physical touch to loved ones, Marmor and Dr. Sweet explain. Friends and family members may be totally unaware that you’re feeling touch starved, and sharing your feelings with them can give them a better understanding of how to love and support you.

And, we get it—opening up about your needs can feel hard sometimes. “Even just saying something like ‘Hey, I just need a hug right now,’ is a really practical approach,” explains Hoerr.

But there are other methods, too. If you can, look for and join activities that integrate touch, Hoerr says. This may include volunteering to work with animals, becoming part of a recreational sports team, or taking a dance class.

When to seek professional support

It's important to note that the lack of physical touch may not always be skin-deep. Some of us can really be affected by not having physical closeness to other people—and it's completely okay to acknowledge that maybe your needs aren't being met. That said, it may also be a good idea to reach out to a mental health professional to address touch starvation, learn how to incorporate more touch in your life, and figure out how to express your needs to the people around you.

Hoerr explains that if touch starvation interrupts your ability to take care of yourself, keep up with responsibilities, maintain relationships, or function on a day-to-day basis, that’s a good indicator that you should work with a professional.

Marmor adds that if you're experiencing persistent sadness, loneliness, or anxiety that isn't improving despite your best efforts, talking to someone can help. She also explains that a mental health professional can help you to explore your underlying physical needs and pathways to building safe, healthy physical connections in your everyday life.

“Many people end up feeling shame around their need for touch—but remember, humans were made for connection,” says McGovern. “Therapy can help you to explore where your needs stem from, how to safely meet them, and how to communicate them in relationships.”