When someone says they’re too in their own head to enjoy receiving oral sex, it breaks my heart. I’m of the mind that the experience is one of life’s greatest joys, and research even shows it can be way more effective than penetration for helping vulva-owners achieve orgasm. Even so, insecurities can get in the way of pleasure, which makes learning how to enjoy oral sex a matter of body and mind. And, even if you already love receiving oral, there are certainly strategies you can try so you can enjoy it even more.
Whether you’re self-conscious, hesitant for any other reason, or just looking for ways to shake up your routine, below find an exhaustive list of ideas for how to enjoy oral sex more.
17 ideas for how to enjoy oral sex more, according to sex experts.
1. Put your pelvic-floor muscles to good use
“The pelvic muscle that we do kegels with is the orgasm muscle that contracts,” says Sadie Allison, PhD, sexologist and co-founder of GoLove CBD lubricant. That means that by practicing your kegels while receiving oral sex, you can help yourself reach orgasm more effectively.
If it’s been a while or you’ve simply never intentionally flexed your kegel muscles before, not to worry; check out our step-by-step guide on how to do kegels, and consider trying kegel balls to ‘weight train’ your vagina for an overall better oral-sex experience.
2. Get acquainted with your vulva
“After I watched a YouTube video of women viewing their vulva for the first time, it made me wonder how many other people haven’t taken the time to look at theirs and appreciate it,” says Tatyannah King, a sex educator and sex coach with Blex Technologies. “Part of becoming one with your vulva requires looking at it and admiring it more, whether that be while you’re naked in front of the mirror, or taking sexy nudes for your eyes only, or taking nudes and sending them to your friends for them to hype you up.” By becoming comfortable with your own body, you may, in turn, become more comfortable while receiving and enjoying oral sex, which can lead to enhanced pleasure.
3. Get physically comfortable in your environment
“Being comfortable is everything,” says Dr. Allison. “Make sure the position you are in supports you, like by having a pillow under your butt or having your partner support your hips.”
You also might want to check on your thermostat before you hop into bed. According to Dr. Allison, temperature can be a big factor in tuning in to your pleasure. “Too hot or too cold [environments] can make vulva-owners uncomfortable and not receive well,” she says.
4. Bring in relaxation techniques
“If you’re tense, consider inhaling and exhaling slowly to relax and get back into your body,” Dr. Allison says. You can even bring in a simple breathwork practice to help fortify your eventual orgasm. Holistic sex coach Kim Anami previously shared with Well+Good that practicing a four-count inhale and a four-count exhale from beginning to end can help elevate your sex play (and climax) to new heights…and lower your stress levels in the process.
5. Give your partner directions
Make like the Spice Girls and tell them what you want, what you really, really want. Or if words evade you in the moment, you can be a little more, uh, physically descriptive. “Don’t be afraid to guide your partner’s head for pressure,” Dr. Allison says. “Gently pull them in when it feels good.”
6. Experiment with flavored lube
“While a healthy vulva tastes wonderful, knowing that you taste like blueberry pie can help you relax and allow your lover to dive into you,” says Searah Deysach, sex educator and owner of pleasure shop Early to Bed. “Just be cautious and look for lubes that are pH-balanced and do not contain glycerin to keep your vagina healthy. Sliquid Swirl is my go-to recommendation for fresh flavors that won’t irritate your bits.”
7. Or use CBD topically for calming vibes
Topically on your vulva, that is. According to Dr. Allison, it can help you relax your pelvic-floor muscles and also your anxious mind. For a quality water-based lube, Try GoLove CBD Lube ($68), and for a water-based arousal serum that will make you feel like you’re walking on air, I enjoy the dreaminess of WLDKAT’s Prebiotic +pH Balanced Sex Serum ($39).
8. Experiment with face-sitting
“Get on top, and ride the face of your partner,” says King. “Doing so will allow you to take control and guide the direction of your partner’s lips and tongue at the angle you need for maximum stimulation.”
9. Put on some music
An amazing sex playlist might be a helpful distraction for any sex-noise insecurity (though, to be sure, you’re entitled to your moans and groans!) and can also encourage your partner to pick up the tempo, says Dr. Allison. Sometimes that can make all the difference.
10. Try out the Kivin Method
“We now know that the clitoris isn’t just a little external nub but instead is a much larger, and longer, internal organ boasting thousands of pleasurable nerve endings,” sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight previously told Well+Good. “Instead of being licked up and down, which would miss out on stimulating the crura and bulbs (the arms and legs), licking occurs lengthways [with the Kivin Method], meaning that stimulation is spread over a larger surface area.”
11. Stimulate other erogenous zones simultaneously
“Have your partner play with your nipples or…lightly stroke your anus while performing oral sex,” says Dr. Allison. “It’s super-relaxing and sensational.”
12. Keep yourself feeling fresh
Your vagina is a self-cleaning organ, so this tip is more so about piquing confidence than cleanliness. For instance, if you’ve been working from home in the same coffee-stained sweatpants for four days in a row, perhaps refreshing yourself may help you get in the mood and, in turn, enjoy receiving oral sex more. “If hygiene is of concern, take a quick shower beforehand or have pH-friendly wipes with you to freshen up,” says Dr. Allison “Or, try receiving oral sex in the shower.”
13. Be present
Engage directly with your partner in a really soul-bearing way can be the intimacy-boosting ingredient your oral-sex routine was missing. “Consider making eye contact and watching your partner versus closing your eyes,” Dr. Allison says.
14. Consume fruitier foods beforehand
While King reiterates that “a vulva is supposed to smell like a vulva,” she adds that some may derive enjoyment from manipulating how they taste to a partner. “Experiment by consuming certain foods and drinks beforehand,” she says. “This will take a certain amount of trial and error because everyone’s body reacts differently to certain things. I personally notice a more fruity smell after I drink cranberry juice or eat a few oranges. Other people swear by pineapple.”
15. Try receiving oral from a different position
“[This can include] lying on your stomach with your booty up, standing with one leg pressed up, or lightly hovering over your partner’s face,” says Dr. Allison.
16. Treat your legs to something sensual
If you have a favorite oil, lotion, or spray, you might be able to use its aromatic appeal to slip into a more erotic state of mind and body. Bonus points if your partner loves it, too. “Use your partner’s favorite scented lotion that you wear, and slather some on your inner thighs,” says Dr. Allison.
17. Want more ideas? Look into different oral sex techniques together and try them for fun
Need something to get you started? “Ask your partner to stroke your G- spot with a curved index finger as they perform oral,” says Dr. Allison “Or have your partner perform a light sucking motion in between tongue strokes.”
Now go forth, and get your head in the game. Or, er—someone else’s head, in this case.
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