Sex Advice

It Takes Nearly 14 Minutes to Reach Orgasm—but You’re Busy, so Here’s How to Speed Things Up

Mary Grace Garis

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Photo: Getty Images / Philipp Nemenz

I’m not super into rushing during sex. It’s an experience, it should be playful and savored. And yet, learning how to orgasm faster feels like a good life skill; even if it’s a long sex session, you’d like to get yours upfront, you know? That’s why my eyebrows raised with a revelation in the Journal of Sexual Medicine: when it comes to partnered playtime, it usually takes about 14 minutes to reach climax, after a veritable fiesta of sexual activities. This got me think of one thing: who’s got the time for that?

Okay, okay, okay, let’s first clarify a few things here. The study reflects women in stable, partnered, heterosexual relationships, which to me—someone whose romantic dealings are 96 percent heterosexual—checks the hell out. Like I’m not saying that straight men are objectively terrible in bed, I’m just saying that when you play a game of “Who has the most orgasms?” lesbian pairings typically have us beat, and that’s just like, research. Very proud, very happy for them, wish I knew that life.

But regardless of orientation or how you identify, it’s a relatively universal problem for vulva owners to need more time—or more things—to get them there. And if you’re looking to wrap this thing up and get to sleep, we have a few ideas on how to expedite your orgasm.

How to climax faster, according to sexperts

1. Target a clitoral orgasm if someone’s trying to just poke around

The day you figure out you don’t have to be very in-out, in-out while masturbating is, like, the best day of your life. Most vulva owners —and not all, different strokes for different folks⁠—reach orgasm much faster with clitoral stimulation.

“You could always give yourself or ask your partner to give you a quick clitoral orgasm at the start of sex or during foreplay,” says sexologist Rebecca Alvarez Story. “This will create a surge of oxytocin (the bonding hormone) that will make you feel ‘sex high’ throughout the rest of the session. Multiple orgasms are a lot easier for women than they are for men, so don’t assume you just need one big one with penetrative sex. There are more options for us.”

This is a good opportunity to incorporate a targeting sex toy like the Zumio S ($140) and it’s rotational wonders or maybe the Le Wand Point ($125) which one writers assures us is the best. vibe. ever. If you’re getting distracted, feel free to push your partner off and take matters into your own hands. Go to town, otherwise you’ll be dragging yourself to your 7 am vinyasa flow class.

2. Teach your partner the Kivin Method

If oral sex has been pretty lackluster or so endless that you started dozing off (in my defense, it had already been a very long day), introduce your partner to the Kivin Method. It’s all about taking a sideways approach.

“Instead of being licked up and down, which would miss out on stimulating the crura and bulbs (the arms and legs), licking occurs lengthways [with the Kivin Method], meaning that stimulation is spread over a larger surface area,” sex and relationship therapist Annabelle Knight previously told Well+Good.

The best part? Some have reported to climaxing in 3 minutes. Yes, plz.

3. Stimulate multiple erogenous zones at once

“Many women enjoy heightened pleasure when their partner can do two things at once—kiss sensually and touch her clitoris, or stimulate her breasts orally and use a hand inside of her,” says Story. “Find out what combos you partner loves.”

You do this right, and you’ll be able to mix up your sex life with the exquisite blended orgasm. Double the pleasure, double the fun, done in half the time which is great because your morning is packed with meetings.

4. Invest in a good arousal oil

“A good arousal oil can help to increase circulation, promote vaginal wetness and overall help you orgasm faster and stronger,” says Story.

It’s basically a lovely little aphrodisiac in a bottle. I can very much thumbs up Bloomi Arousal Oil ($58), a clean and fabulous botanical mixture that can get you to climb up your climax way quicker. Use it before foreplay and it’ll expedite the whole damn process. Like, you will sleep so well tonight, babe.

5. Do something intimate before sex

That sounds like additional work on both of your part, but it’s really not. It’s just making the conscious choice to switch out buffalo wings and Vanderpump Rules with something a little a little more classically sexy.

“Having an intimate moment before sex can help you feel turned more easily,” says Story. “For example, having a glass of wine together, taking a bath together, or reading erotica to one another when help you feel aroused and likely orgasm faster.”

If you really want to come into your own this year, these sexual subscription boxes will deliver better pleasure straight to your doorstep. 

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