Actually, this is not a problem unique to lockdown (though in some cases, it’s certainly been exacerbated by makeshift communes, inability to access childcare and, you know, living with your parents). “Some of the folks I work with find that having kids, roommates, or parents in the house forces them to find new ways to express themselves sexually and this includes sex that is slower, more sensual, and of course, sneakier,” says sexologist Jess O’Reilly, PhD.
The good news is that sneaky sex can be exponentially more arousing than the non-sneaky variety. When something is forbidden, explains sexologist Megan Stubbs, you’ll tend to want it more. “There’s a novelty to it, it’s taking you out of the norm,” she says. “And when you try something new, you’re creating new pathways, new memories in the brain.” Such novelty has been shown in studies to facilitate bonding, which means that sneaky sex can be an intimacy enhancer, too.
Depending on what kind of sneaky sex you’re engaging in—car sex, anyone?—the potential for getting caught might also offer a thrill. “That’s gonna heighten feelings, emotions, and anxieties,” says Stubbs.
If the very thought of doing it in your parents’ guest room, a parked car, or a public park (once they re-open, of course) makes you extremely uncomfortable, however, Stubbs offers some advice. “Just try it out! It might not be for everyone, but at least you can say you tried it. Plus, it might just be the thing that re-sparks your relationship,” she says.
As most of us—minus the banging-like-bunnies contingent—in lockdown know, anything with the potential to light the fire is worth a shot in these dark times. To that end, the pros offer some tips for doing it on the DL below.
7 ways to have sneaky sex when circumstances require it (or, just because it’s *hot*)
1. Do it in the shower
“You’ve got a lock on the door and the sound of the water can help to drown out distractions,” says Dr. O’Reilly. “The physical sensuality of water can also enhance the experience.”
2. Make use of your closet space
“Spontaneously ask your partner like, ‘Hey, do you want to step into the closet and get it on for a little bit?'” says Stubbs
3. Muffle the sound
“Get kinky,” says Dr. O’Reilly. “Use a soft, cloth gag or play with power and insist that your lover remain perfectly silent if they want you to continue to please them.” You can also put your face into a pillow during and, for further sound retention, slide a towel between the door and the floor before starting the show.
4. Keep the headboard from banging
“Try S-L-O-W sex to keep the creaking to a minimum,” says Dr. O’Reilly. “When you move as s-l-o-w-l-y as possible, you’re more likely to tune into every little sensation and be more mindful of the experience.” She adds that you can also try extending your breath to slow down. “The benefits can include more intense and multiple orgasms as well as a quieter ride,” she says.
5. Let the frogs drown you out
“Put a humidifier—or dehumidifier, depending on the local climate—in all bedrooms to drown out any amorous sounds from down the hall,” says Dr. O’Reilly. “Or order a white noise machine or an air purifier.”
6. Pull over en route to get essential goods
Just don’t forget the eggs, says Stubbs.
7. Try a little under-the-table action
“Don’t get hung up on one type of sex,” sats Dr. O’Reilly. “Play with your fingers, tongues, lips, toys and more—there are so many ways to titillate and build desire even if you’re not in the mood to go all the way, however you define it.”
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