7 Easy Steps to Stimulate Your Partner’s Prostate and Provide Boundless Pleasure

“Its primary function is to produce prostatic fluid, which helps the sperm safely travel down the urethra and toward the egg during P-in-V intercourse.” —Bobby Box, sex educator

You can stimulate the prostate on its own or coupled with stimulation of the penis for an especially powerful orgasm. Direct prostate stimulation is usually done through the anus, while indirect prostate play can be done through the skin of the perineum, Box explains.

We spoke to the experts for a primer on all things p-spot: ranging from what it is, where it is, what to feel for, what it feels like, and of course, exactly how to stimulate the prostate. (P)rock on for more things prostate 101.

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What is it?

“The prostate is a gland inside the anus that’s really sensitive to pressure,” says licensed sexologist Sofie Roos, couples therapist and author at Passionerad.se, adding that simulation of the prostate can be extremely pleasurable, either by itself or in combination with penile stimulation.

Who can do it?

Anyone with a penis can stimulate their own prostate, and anyone with a willing partner can stimulate their partner’s prostate.

Where exactly is the prostate?

The prostate is located two to three inches inside the anal canal, toward the front side of the body, says Box. You’ll know you’ve found it when you hit a texture ball of fleshy tissue that feels different than the surrounding body parts. If you’re having trouble finding the right angle, try to feel around at a diagonal, as sex therapist Jackie Golob, founder of Shameless Therapy & Consulting Services suggests. “Aim towards the navel or belly button,” she adds.

How do you find it?

Roos says that the easiest way to find the prostate is by using a prostate vibrator, as “they are quite small and therefore very beginner friendly, shaped to find the prostate perfectly, [and] anal safe to use, which means they won’t glide in and disappear in the butt.”

What does the prostate feel like?

If you’re looking to find the prostate, feel around for a soft gland that feels about the size of a walnut, says Roos.

Is it easy to orgasm this way?

As Roos explains, it’s actually harder to orgasm from prostate stimulation compared to a penis orgasm. “It takes much more technique, preparation, puts higher pressure on you being relaxed and in the right state of mind, and it also takes longer for more people,” says Roos.

However, she adds that one caveat to this is “if you have lost much of your sensitivity in the penis, for example, due to age or circumcision.” If this is the case, prostate orgasms may be easier for you as it “generally keeps more sensitive than the penis throughout your life.”

This also makes prostate play a great option for those with erectile dysfunction, she adds, if you don’t want to bother with penis pumps or medicine.

What does a prostate orgasm feel like?

For those with prostates, Roos adds that prostate stimulation is much longer, stronger, and more intense than penis climaxes. “I often say that prostate orgasms are the closest a man can come to feeling [the intensity of] female orgasms,” Roos explains.

Golob also notes that prostate orgasms have been reported as feeling like more of a full body release than penis orgasms, due to the slower time it takes to build arousal. So, know that the more time you spend trying to stimulate the prostate, the stronger the potential orgasm may be.

Will it hurt at all?

“The orgasm will never hurt, but can feel unpleasant in the beginning since it’s such a strong feeling that doesn’t feel like a normal orgasm at all,” says Roos.

However, if you haven’t taken your time with foreplay, it is possible that your sphincter might squeeze if it’s not warmed up enough. To avoid this, Roos recommends taking your time with foreplay, playing around the anus with your fingers, and always, always using lots of appropriate lube.

Exactly how to stimulate the prostate

1. First, make sure your partner wants their prostate stimulated

Before engaging in sexual activity of any sort, you need to get your partner’s consent. And, especially if it's a practice you haven't tried before, it's crucial to get clear on the specifics around that new thing, says Box.

To introduce the idea to your partner, send them a link to an article (like this one) with a note along the lines of, “Just read this and think it could be hot for us to experiment. Let’s chat about it next date night!” Or, you can always directly ask if they’ve ever explored prostate stimulation while masturbating, or want to try it with you.

2. Carve in some time for foreplay

Since you’re exploring a new area, this is also a great time to mix in some new creative techniques and experiment with your partner. Maybe you want to try incorporating temperature play ice into your foreplay or even trying to have a pressure point orgasm before you dive into the backdoor? Or maybe you want to break out the massage oil and give them a sexy massage first. From there, once you’re ready to begin, wash your hands and make sure your nails are trimmed and filed if you’re going to be using your digits.

3. Start with indirect prostate stimulation

If anal penetration (whether by butt plugs, anal fingering, anal beads, or anything else) aren’t already part of your partnered play, Box suggests trying to stimulate the prostate indirectly through their skin. “Externally, the prostate can be accessed through the perineum, which is the swath of skin between your balls and [anus],” he says. “Apply pressure around the halfway mark, and feel around for something bulbous.”

If you have trouble finding the gland, pause on prostate play and pay more attention to other erogenous zones and wait. “The prostate gland fills with fluid when you're aroused,” he says. So, the hornier your partner is, the easier it will be to find. When you do find it, he recommends experimenting with tapping, pressing, circulating, and massaging.

4. Open up with anal fingering (if you want!)

While there are numerous prostate-stimulation toys (like the Molto vibrator, of which, we’re big fans), if you’re both down to explore the backdoor, Box recommends starting with anal fingering. Pay attention to the pressure you apply. “Prostate stimulation is more about pressure than technique," he says. "Too much pressure, and you’re going to feel like you have to pee. But the right amount of pressure feels like the early stages of an orgasm,” he says. Once you’ve found the correct pressure, start testing different techniques. “Trace your finger around the gland, press on it as you would when ringing a doorbell, and experiment with what feels good for your partner,” Box adds.

Also, do your partner a solid and make sure your nails are trimmed and filed ahead of putting your pointer in their peach. “The skin in your anus and rectum is thin and sensitive, so be extra careful, as micro tears can happen quite easily,” says Box. If long talons are your signature look, another option is to put on a pair of latex gloves and blunting the tip of your nail by putting a cotton ball underneath, he says.

5. Go slow and steady

The initial stages of anal stimulation can be uncomfortable for people who have never received in their rear. That’s because the anal sphincter is a muscle that is accustomed to being in a contracted position. To enter, you have to coax the muscle to relax through feel-good strokes, licks, and laps. “In many cases, a minute or two is all it takes,” he says, but as with all things sex: don’t rush it.

When the hole is ready to be entered, it will pucker, and at that point. From there, “add even more lube, enter slowly, and check in with your partner before going deeper,” Box says.

6. Try incorporating toys

Fingers are a great starting point for prostate stimulation because, well, they’re attached to a human who can feel the way the anal canal is responding in real-time. After a few experiences of going that route, however, you can also think about incorporating a prostate massager, which is designed specifically to stimulate the prostate.

Prostate massagers vary in shape and style, but the many on the market look like G-spot wands or rabbit vibrators. Box's favorite pick is the Lelo Loki Wave, which is designed to move inside the anal canal like a finger while also pressing against the perineum in a pleasurable way. Another good option is the We-Vibe Vector, $140, which functions like a souped-up butt plug.

7. Enjoy the journey

Sure, prostate orgasms feel great—many people describe them as being more full-bodied than penile orgasms. And considering that an erection isn't a prerequisite, they're great for couples navigating erectile dysfunction or for couples having sex with a small penis. But, prostate stimulation feels good even if it doesn’t take you all the way to orgasm. That’s why Box recommends prioritizing a pleasurable experience over one that ends with climax. This is especially important the first time you explore the erogenous zone, because pressure to feel a certain way is one of the biggest impediments to orgasm in general

Techniques to try

Come hither

For this one, curl your fingers upwards as if calling someone or beckoning someone closer to you. Use the pad of your fingers to gently locate the prostate, and experiment with moving your finger closer and further away, as if you’re doing the “come hither” motion. Always remember to check in with your partner to see what pressure feels best for them

Doorbell

Here, you’ll do the same thing as the come hither motion, only you’ll want to gently tap on the prostate instead of doing the “come hither” motion. Think of it as the button on a doorbell. And similarly to a doorbell, don’t be a rude guest and hammer that doorbell super fast. Instead, wait a few moments, teasing your partner and letting them anticipate each “ring” of the doorbell, so to speak.

Circling

If you or your partner aren’t in the tapping motion of the two above techniques, try circling. For this, you can use the pad of your finger to gently circle the prostate. Try to feel around the outline of it, and circle it a few times before changing direction the other way.

Simulated vibration

If direct vibration with a vibrator is too intense, you can try simulated vibration, where you place a strong vibrator close to your wrist or hand so your finger carries the vibration up through the hand to the prostate. This allows you to reap the benefits of a vibrator, with the feedback of using your hands or finger.

FAQs

1. What is the best way to reach your prostate?

Either your fingers or a specially designed toy is the best way to reach your prostate. As Roos noted above, using a prostate vibrator can be good for beginners as it is specifically designed to hit the area perfectly, and is anal-safe by featuring flared bases. If you don’t want to go out and buy a toy, trying to find the prostate with your fingers is also a good way for a beginner to experiment with prostate stimulation. If you’re looking for a good anal fingering guide, by the way, we know a great place to start.

2. How stimulating is the prostate?

If stimulated correctly, prostate stimulation can be very effective for reaching orgasm — either on its own or in conjunction with penis stimulation. However, as our experts noted: prostate orgasms can sometimes be considered more technically challenging than penis orgasms, so it may take some time and experimenting at first.

3. What is a simple trick for the prostate?

One trick you can try for prostate stimulation is to incorporate the “come hither” movement with your fingers. Once you locate the prostate, gently use your pointer finger as if beckoning someone to come closer to you, with the pad of your finger against the prostate. Experiment with different pressure here, asking your partner what feels best for them.