Chock-full of nerve endings, the prostate is an erogenous zone that can help prostate-owners experience feel-good sensations, says Box. Some people can even have a prostate orgasm when it is either stimulated directly (via anal penetration) or indirectly (through perineum play), he says. Below, Box shares six tips for exactly how to pleasure your partner’s P-spot.
Exactly how to stimulate your partner’s prostate in 6 easy steps
1. First, make sure your partner wants their prostate stimulated
Before engaging in sexual activity of any sort, you need to get your partner’s consent. And, especially if it's a practice you haven't tried before, it's crucial to get clear on the specifics around that new thing, says Box.
To introduce the idea to your partner, send them a link to an article like this one with a note along the lines of, “Just read this and think it could be hot for us to experiment. Let’s chat about it next date night!” Or, directly ask if they’ve ever explored prostate stimulation while masturbating, or want to try it with you.
2. Start with indirect prostate stimulation
If anal penetration (whether by butt plugs, anal fingering, anal beads, or anything else) aren’t already part of your partnered play, Box suggests trying to stimulate the prostate indirectly. “Externally, the prostate can be accessed through the perineum, which is the swath of skin between your balls and [anus],” he says. “Apply pressure around the halfway mark, and feel around for something bulbous.”
If you have trouble finding the gland, pause on prostate play and pay more attention to other erogenous zones. “The prostate gland fills with fluid when you're aroused,” he says. So, the hornier your partner is, the easier it will be to find. When you do find it, he recommends experimenting with tapping, pressing, circulating, and massaging.
3. Experiment with anal fingering (if you want!)
While there are numerous prostate-stimulation toys, if you’re both down to explore the backdoor, Box recommends starting with anal fingering. The prostate is located two to three inches inside the anal canal, toward the front side of the body. You’ll know you’ve found it when you hit a texture ball of fleshy tissue that feels different than the surrounding body parts.
“Prostate stimulation is more about pressure than technique." —Bobby Box, sex educator
After locating it, pay attention to the pressure you apply. “Prostate stimulation is more about pressure than technique," he says. "Too much pressure, and you’re going to feel like you have to pee. But the right amount of pressure feels like the early stages of an orgasm,” he says. Once you’ve found the correct pressure, start testing techniques. “Trace your finger around the gland, press on it as you would when ringing a doorbell, and experiment with what feels good for your partner,” he adds.
Also, do your partner a solid and make sure your nails are trimmed and filed ahead of putting your pointer in their peach. “The skin in your anus and rectum is thin and sensitive, so be extra careful, as micro tears can happen quite easily,” says Box. If long talons are your signature look, another option is to put on a pair of latex gloves and blunting the tip of your nail by putting a cotton ball underneath, he says.
4. Go slow and steady
The initial stages of anal stimulation can be uncomfortable for people who have never received in their rear. That’s because the anal sphincter is a muscle that is accustomed to being in a contracted position. To enter, you have to coax the muscle to relax through feel-good strokes, licks, and laps. “In many cases, a minute or two is all it takes,” he says.
When the hole is ready to be entered, it will pucker, and at that point, “add even more lube, enter slowly, and check in with your partner before going deeper,” he says.
5. Try incorporating toys
Fingers are the best starting point for prostate stimulation because, well, they’re attached to a human who can feel the way the anal canal is responding in real-time. After a few experiences of going that route, however, you might incorporate a prostate massager, which is designed specifically to stimulate the hidden pearl.
Prostate massagers vary in shape and style, but the many on the market look like G-spot wands or rabbit vibrators. Box's favorite pick is the Loki Wave, $176, which is designed to move inside the anal canal like a finger while also pressing against the perineum in a pleasurable way. Another good option is the We-Vibe Vector, $140, which functions more like a butt plug than anything else. Shaped like a curved plug, it’s designed to go in the butt and stimulate the prostate while you play.
6. Enjoy the journey
Sure, prostate orgasms feel great—many people describe them as being more full-bodied than penile orgasms. And especially considering that an erection isn't a prerequisite, they're great for couples navigating erectile dysfunction. But, prostate stimulation feels good even if it doesn’t take you all the way to orgasm. That’s why Box recommends prioritizing a pleasurable experience over one that ends with climax. This is especially important the first time you explore the erogenous zone, because pressure to feel a certain way is one of the biggest impediments to orgasm in general
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