Ariana Grande’s new, empowering thank u, next album features a song called “NASA,” and the gist is about needing space. Well, couldn’t agree more, Ari. The lyrics “I’ll just use my covers to stay warm tonight/ Think I’m better off here all alone tonight” encapsulate what my ideal sleep environment looks like, no matter my relationship status. Just a bed for me, myself, and I.
Eight months ago, I moved out of the apartment I shared with my boyfriend for six years and into my own place. I was living alone—with nary a single roommate—for the first time ever. I’m still in the process of discovering my independence, but I quickly learned sleeping alone is one of my favorite things in the world. It was actually one component of the transition I was most afraid of (it sounded scary, depressing even!), but now I can spread out and be who I am in life and in bed.
My favorite sleep position is facedown in my pillow, with one arm sticking out and my legs bent and splayed like I’m running. This may sound like a derivative of a spooning position, but A. it’s very specific and not spooning, and B. if you can get a good night of sleep using someone’s arm as a pillow, that’s cool, but my diva head requires the real, fluffy deal. And, a quick note on spooning: Falling asleep by yourself is hard enough without adding in another tossing, turning, breathing, human being who might be on an entirely different sleep schedule. So, to be clear, the Facedown Pillow-clutching Runner position is not my makeshift take on spooning—it’s my favorite way to be.
You can sit on your white bedspread eating avocado toast topped with an over-medium egg while you watch Crazy Ex Girlfriend without someone judging you. You know it’s a bad idea because you’re prone to spilling, but it’s your bed and you can do whatever you damn well please in it.
Beyond not having to worry about being courteous to your bedmate by slipping out of bed as quietly as possible when you have to pee at 3 a.m., there are some obvious benefits of sleeping alone: You don’t have to share your covers, you can sprawl out diagonally and take up the entire bed, and there’s no possible snoring from anyone but you.
But there’s more. You can sit on your white bedspread while eating avocado toast topped with an over-medium egg while you watch Crazy Ex Girlfriend without someone judging you. You know it’s a bad idea because you’re prone to spilling, but it’s your bed and you can do whatever you damn well please in it. You can hit snooze on your alarm four (okay five) times without disrupting someone else’s sleep. And yeah, hitting snooze is like, not the world’s best habit, but it’s mine to make and mine alone.
Right now, I’m sitting on my bed next to a pile of clean clothes that I haven’t folded in a week. Some would call it being lazy, others would say it’s just me flaunting my independence. In fact, this might be precisely what Mary Wollstonecraft was after when she advocated for women’s rights.
My bed is a very personal, private space—and I like having it all to myself. I do sometimes choose to share it, but only when I genuinely care about the other person and have decided that the pros of being in their company overnight far outweigh the cons (like, again, the snoring and the uncomfortable snuggling that’s supposed to be cute). But sleeping alone is still kinda the best.
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