While I consider myself qualified for the role of curator (art school dropout, studied lingerie design, Taurus, thank you very much) I also acknowledge that, like art, pleasure is subjective. That’s why you’ll find drastically different types of sex toys rounded up that all provide divergent sensations, stimulations, and aesthetics. And, oh yeah, they’ll also help you orgasm, which you’re unlikely to get from looking at a Rembrandt. Points for that.
Below find, 8 pretty sex toys that are both aesthetically and erotically pleasing.
1. LELO Nea 2, $99
The Nea 2 features eight whisper-quiet vibrational patterns and a uniquely curved shape, which can be sandwiched between bodies if you’re playing with a friend. It’s eye-catching because of the delicate sprigs of gold flowers (kind of a lazy Art Nouveau-style) against the onyx-black backdrop. If you left this pretty piece displayed on your nightstand, no one would even guess what its real function is.
Shop Now: LELO Nea 2, $99
2. Dalia Porcelain Wand, $125
That’s right, this baby is handmade porcelain, which is a non-porous, body-safe material. It not only arrives as if it’s about to be displayed at the Guggenheim, but it’s long, strong, and curved for G-spot stimulation. You may even be able to use it to reach the rare and beautiful cervical orgasm.
Shop Now: Dalia Porcelain Wand, $125
3. Biird Obii, $89
Obii is the cutest suction sex toy I’ve had the pleasure of owning—and I reach for it real quick if I need an orgasm in five minutes or less. This is a gentle, sweet friend that uses delicate air technology that won’t attack your clit and can also shift to a soft vibrating mode. Also, it’s a lamp. Yes, seriously; this thoroughly modern art piece charges in a case that lights up, so you can keep it proudly on display.
Shop Now: Biird Obii, $89
4. Maude Vibe, $45
Reliable, minimal, and straightforward, Maude’s Vibe may not look ornate, but its brilliant design is literally inspired by art. “The vibe was inspired by Brâncuși’s sculptures, and the lightbulb for the shape went off when I visited MoMA, as I wanted something that was ergonomic and universal,” Maude CEO and founder Éva Goicochea previously told Well+Good. “Material was an important choice in completing the design—the soft-touch silicone material bends to the body and is smooth against the skin.”
Uh, yeah. Considering how incredible that material feels, the Vibe is a true masterpiece.
Shop Now: Maude Vibe, $45
When I was studying art history in college, I was super into Jean-Honoré Fragonard’s “The Swing” and the whole damn Rococo era. Perhaps that’s why the Rosalie Rabbit in scarlet is really doing it for me. Even if you go for a softer shade, you can expect it to give you the dual stimulation needed for a blended orgasm, and it’ll feel absolutely sublime. Yes, it is available at a very “Let them eat cake” price point, but with the engraved handle and gold-plated tip, it’s also certainly fit for royalty.
Shop Now: ZALO Rosalie Rabbit Vibrator Bright Red, $189
6. Icicles No 24, $49
This beautiful sex toy has a completely unique feel, thanks to its texturizing jewels and the ability to be frozen for temperature play. It’s…also an icy pink glass tentacle dildo, and, as I told my friend recently, “Tentacle porn is one of the oldest fetishes there is—look at the octopus erotica painting featured on Mad Men.” Or uh, don’t look at it if you’re on your work computer. Just know that people have been aroused by this since at least the 19th century; maybe you will be, too.
Shop Now: Icicles No 24, $49
7. TENGA Iroha Temari Hana Vibrator, $56
At first glance, this looks like a perfect little Easter egg. It’s not, but it does have some surprises insides; the Temari has a unique motor that reduces vibrational noises and lets you really focus on your enjoyment. It’s also waterproof so you can buzz yourself up in the shower, making it a perfectly discreet vibrator. Although, with that cheerful pattern, why would you even hide it?
Shop Now: TENGA Iroha Temari Hana Vibrator, $56
8. Crave Vesper Massager Necklace, $150
I get majorly swoon-y over Crave’s Vesper, a necklace that doubles as high-fashion. I own this in rose gold, with the engraving “The One and Only” (my quarantine energy), but the 24 carat gold-plated Vesper looks so regal and minimalist that it’s perfect for a 21st century Cleopatra. And again, while the steep price reflects luxury, it is a worthy investment piece; it allows you to wear your pleasure out to dinner, with the expectation of having strong clitoral orgasms for dessert.
Shop Now: Crave Vesper Massager Necklace, $150
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