Quarantine sex toys are the MVP of this pandemic…ok, maybe it’s Dr. Fauci, but quarantine sex toys are a close second. Because at COVID’s peak, being single and beyond stressed really required a certain release that banana bread simply can’t give you. It got to the point where even the government encouraged masturbation: “You are your safest sex partner,” the NYC Health guidelines told us. “Sure am,” I whispered to my computer screen, already down to quit men after the BS I went through from ages 15 to 28.
But enough about me, let’s talk about your current pleasure needs. Because if we’re supposed to come into 2021 safe, satisfied, and sexually healthy, it helps to have a nightstand friend that supplements what you’re missing. We definitely tried to fill in the pleasure gaps—sometimes filling literal pleasure gaps—of this socially distant hellscape, and have some serious recommendations. If you’re curious, read on.
Below, 6 quarantine sex toys that got us through a touchless year
1. Emojibator’s Pickle Vibrator, for sex toy newbies
If you’re a little sex toy shy and starving for a snack in quarantine, may we offer you Emojibator’s pickle vibrator? Small and highly ergonomic, this friendly-faced toy is ideal for gradually building clitoral orgasms, although the stippled, textured feel makes for equally delicious internal use. Veteran vibrator user Gabrielle Kassell used it for some serious quarantine self-care, but urges that it can make for the perfect beginner vibrator.
“The Pickle is a perfect starter vibrator because the familiar shape helps folks leave behind the shame we’re taught to feel about masturbating, and instead experience pleasure,” says Kristin Fretz, co-founder and CMO of Emojibator.
And obviously, as she points out, you should never feel shame around masturbation. But if that societal conditioning is hard to shake off, this can ease your anxieties around a self-pleasure investment. Or it can help relieve anxieties about other things—as Kassel points out, this has a friendly price-point if you need the soothing benefits of orgasm to get you through lockdown 2.0.
Shop now: The Pickle Emojibator, $27
2. The SVAKOM Emma Neo Wand Vibrator, for those who want all-over pleasure
The other day my roommate saw the Emma Neo Wand Vibrator on my bed and said, “Good for you.” Full disclosure, Amber, I wasn’t masturbating—this pleasure tool heats up, making it absolutely perfect to deliver a self-massage. It also comes with a little “bunny ears” cap that makes it a jack of all trades: a breast stimulator, a penis stroker, or maybe it can be placed underneath the chin for a truly electrifying oral experience. Or if you don’t have someone to go down on you (and we’ll address this more in a minute), the heat and a little bit of arousal oil will give you some excellent faux-head.
But uh, yeah, I usually alternate between my vag and my shoulder blades, thoroughly cleaning in-between uses.
Shop Now: SVAKOM Emma Neo Wand Vibrator, $129
3. b-Vibe Rimming Plug Petite, for those who want to do more with anal
Analingus can be risky business because of the whole, “that’s where poop comes from” aspect. If your partner has reservations or you’re just looking for that elusive anal orgasm, meet the b-Vibe Rimming Plug Petite.
The neck of the b-Vibe Rimming Plug Petite, i.e. the part the sphincter rests against when it’s inside you, is thicker than its competitors, because it houses a string of beads. These internal beads rotate in a way that simulates a tongue, and therefore, stimulates all those backdoor nerves. So if you’re a little curious about anal play, grab this plug immediately.
Shop now: b-Vibe Rimming Plug Petite, $145
4. Baci Premium Robotic Clitoral Massager, for those who crave oral
Can sexual robotics replace the human touch? Um, of course not, no—I still love an eager mouth if I can find it. The Baci Premium Robotic Clitoral Massager will definitely get you through the rest of this pandemic, though.
The delicate micro-robotics of this device is meant to simulate oral, and even the groove is constructed to rest in between your legs so you can lay back, blast The Weeknd, and enjoy. I don’t like to kiss and tell (except I literally do, in 1,000 word articles) but the two of us had a really magical night together, culminating in one of the most luxurious orgasmic experiences of 2020.
It is, in truth, a little difficult to master at first; this is better for advanced pleasure-seekers and those with a bit of time on their hands. But if suction sex toys make you weak in the knees and weak in…the vagina?…you literally cannot go wrong.
Shop Now: Baci Premium Robotic Clitoral Massager, $160
5. plusOne Vibrating Feather Tickler, for couples and erotic explorers
If you want to introduce a sex toy into your partnered relationship, the plusOne Vibrating Feather Ticker is a super non-intimidating way to do that. While you can use the flexi-tip for clitoral stimulation, this isn’t really a toy meant for hard-and-fast climaxes. It’s one that can trace and highlight under-appreciated erogenous zones, so you and a playmate will certainly enjoy it together.
Or fly solo with this feather if you’re into sensual foreplay! It’ll be a delicious appetizer before you break out the big-time toy.
Shop Now: plusOne Vibrating Feather Tickler, $32
6. Maude Vibe Personal Vibe, for literally anyone with a vulva
Just trust me on this one.
Shop Now: Maude Vibe Personal Massager, $45
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