One of my earliest and most embarrassing bedfellows couldn’t part with two things: The Smashing Pumpkins album Siamese Dream (but why?) and dad-like white tube socks. Clearly ours was a very pasty affair, and I’ve kind of been Team No Socks in Bed ever since. But here’s something that’ll knock your socks…back on. Keeping your feet all toasty actually might actually be the key to increasing your sexual pleasure.
No, really—there’s some research on this! According to one study by the University of Groningen, couples who wore socks while getting, um, intimate were much more likely to achieve orgasm. And the Socks Versus Sockless disparity is real: the probability of reaching the orgasm soared to 80 percent from 50 percent. That’s a 30 percent climax difference, you guys. But why is this? Mind you, I exclusively wear Christmas socks, so I’m having a real hard time imagining all those screenprinted reindeer setting the mood.
Well, there’s twofold things! See, keeping your feet warm is a way to improve blood flow, and if your tootsies are ice-cold, blood can’t rush as quickly to your, um… relevant parts. But neuroscience professor Gert Holstege, who led the research, also found that sock and sex connection is especially important for women. Since women tend to build up arousal when they’re feeling a sense of internal and external comfort, a pair of fuzzy socks can act as a stabilizing base. And hey, it’ll help you sleep better post-orgasm!
Now, if you’re very much coupled up and already pretty cozy with your partner, I can’t imagine socks in the bedroom will be the most taboo thing in the world. Maybe it’ll cause some bickering if you’ve been sweating in them all day (good hygiene is sexy, people!), but if it’s a clean pair, sure, go wild! Sexual wellness company Dame Products already has some sex socks ($8) that are true blue and ready for the occasion. And oh, if you’re masturbating, there’s literally no reason why you can’t don some woolen feet warmers and close that pleasure gap, baby! Who’s going to judge you? That goddess in the mirror with the happy feet?
Happy feet feels like a bad reference here, but you get the picture. That only leaves those single and dealing with new sexual prospects. My mental gymnastics of how to make socks sex sexy begins and ends with Clueless cosplay; maybe some knee or over-the-knee socks could be tantalizing. Or, you can just say “F—k it” and keep them on, not giving a damn about someone’s fly-by-night fling. If they judge, they are not the right person for you.
To say the least, that guy was not the right person for me, but maybe it wasn’t (all) about the socks. Maybe it could be worth trying out. I’m willing to keep an open mind so long as I never have to hear “Cherub Rock” ever again.
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