Use Your Enneagram Personality Type to Highlight What You Need Most in a Romantic Partner

Photo: Getty Images/Klaus Vedfelt
Have you ever wondered the exact features necessary for a great romantic partnership? What’s the secret sauce that draws one person to another? Why do some couples fail, whereas others fly? Enneagram personality-type pairings might hold the key to understanding why some relationships work so well, even if personalities are quite different.

For the uninitiated, the Enneagram personality indicator works a bit differently than other common models, like Myers-Briggs, since in this case, there's no test. Rather, the Enneagram "inventory" includes nine different personality descriptions, and after reading each, you can select the three that most resonate with you. Then, read more detailed descriptions of those three, and pick the one with which you most closely identify. (Don't know which of the nine Enneagram types fits you best? Check out an outline of the descriptions here.)

Understanding your type can pay dividends for identifying your wants and needs in relationships. As The Essential Enneagram authors David Daniels, MD, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Stanford University Medical School, and counseling psychologist Virginia Price, PhD, previously told Well+Good, “Discovering your Enneagram personality type…can help change the way you relate to yourself and others as well as give you a greater understanding of the circumstances and issues facing you.”

We all have a distinct set of characteristics, values and needs—and we’re looking for just the right puzzle piece to bring out the best in us, or help us grow. Do you know what your “best fit” match is?

Check out which of the nine Enneagram types pair best with your own below.

One: The Reformer—needs spontaneity

Ones are perfectionistic, idealistic, and disciplined. You know exactly what you want out of life, and how to get there, but sometimes, you’re so focused on the destination that you forget to enjoy the ride. Don’t forget: Life is 90 percent journey, 10 percent end goal.  Types like Sevens and Eights can really take you outside your comfort zone in a new way. They can help you color outside the lines, expand your imagination, and enjoy new things—just for the sake of it.

Two: The Helper—needs excitement

Twos want to see others succeed and take personal enjoyment in being a team player. You need someone who complements this natural skill set, like Eights and Threes, who are reaching for the stars, and you want to be front-row, center for the ride. You tend to align best with a go-getter who shares your same intrinsic values, whether it’s political beliefs or personal ideals.

Three: The Achiever—needs drive

Threes can sometimes be so focused on excelling and becoming the picture-perfect vision of success that they lose touch with their emotional core. Types that are deep and emotive, but not necessarily spotlight-seeking—like Twos and Fours—tend to pair well with you you. You need someone to remind you of the emotional value of the ideals you’re working toward.

Four: The Individualist—needs authenticity

Fours don’t care at all for outward successes or others’ perceptions of them. All you want is to feel seen, understood, and cared for. In a relationship, you can pair well with many types, as long as that person is super-authentic to their innermost self and values the emotional depth you bring to the table. You tend to gravitate toward intellectual and passionate types, like Fives and Sevens.

Five: The Investigator—needs expansion

Fives are fully dedicated to study, learning, and mastering their chosen subject matter. But you’re also very private, introverted, and withdrawn. Someone who can help you step outside your shell and into the world while also speaking your language will expand you intellectually in ways you never thought possible. You’ll likely feel most at home (and in love) with Fours, for their deep wells of emotion, and Sevens, for their vast sea of interests.

Six: The Loyalist—needs integrity

Loyalists value honesty, stability and commitment, and tend to pair best with those who bring those very qualities to the table. You want to know your partner is fully committed and trustworthy before you let yourself be fully vulnerable. You’ll feel safe and happy with Nines, who are kind and empathetic, as well as Ones, who are straightforward and dedicated partners.

Seven: The Enthusiast—needs centering

Sevens are full of ideas, hobbies, interests, passion, drive and about a million other things; it’s hard for you to settle down and focus on what’s most important in life. You need a stable, centering force who intrigues and understands you. You will gravitate toward the fiery resolve of Ones, as well as the drive and ambition of Threes.

Eight: The Challenger—needs a cheerleader

Eights are firecrackers who create through sheer force of will. You’re the star of the show, the boss in the boardroom, and the life of every party; you need someone who can handle your big energy, shares your same passion and is happy to support your ambitions. Twos make for supportive partners who cheer on your every move, whereas Threes pair best if you’re looking to form a full-fledged power couple.

Nine: The Peacemaker—needs a support system

Peacemakers look for harmony and kindness in their relationships, but you can certainly use someone who will amplify your voice and remind you of your worth. You’re a mediator, and it’s a powerful skill. You pair best with those who will be your soft place to fall, while providing the right kind of encouragement to get you to step outside your emotional comfort zone. Sixes make steady, rock-solid partners who ground you before you fly, and fives give you just the right food for thought when you’re doubting yourself.

Want more personality-type intel? Here's the real difference between bed-makers and non-bed-makers. And this personality test can reveal your happiness language.

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