The Four-Letter Word for February That’s Not Love

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Intel straight from our hand-picked health squad of best-selling authors, entrepreneurs, and healthy-minded celebs who are leading—and shaking up—the wellness scene.

Love is in the air, and whether you're single or partnered, spiritual empowerment coach Kelsey Patel has sage advice: Instead of seeking romance, seek freedom. Here, the Well+Good Council member explains the four-step process to opening your heart in a healthy, fulfilling, self-affirming way.

You’ve heard it every single year for likely as long as you can remember. February is the month of love, Valentine’s Day, candy and chocolate, cards to classmates, red roses, extra-expensive February 14 dinners—and now, in the time of the wellness boom, everyone talking about self-love. So while you’re in the midst of all the highs, the lows, and those delicious magnetic and heart-opening vibes, I’d like to offer a fresh perspective—looking beneath and behind the bliss and romanticism to find something deeper and perhaps more expansive than even the high-vibe feeling that love brings.

Freedom. Pure, open, expansive, and joyful freedom.

In freedom lies your deepest truth: awareness of who you really are and what you truly desire. From that place of connection, you are able to express an even deeper form of love. Love to yourself, love into your work, love to the ones who you choose because you are free.

How can you open your heart wide and create a life you imagine—a life of love? How else can you allow yourself to be free?

So take a moment this February to find out where in your life you feel free, where you may feel stuck, where you feel dependent, and where else you’d like to feel free. Think of it as FREE: Feeling, Releasing, Engaging, and Expressing all of you to be in communion with freedom.

How can you open your heart wide and create a life you imagine—a life of love? How else can you allow yourself to be free?

The heart has an immeasurable capacity for love of self and of others. The magic in connecting to this love is having freedom in all of your journey. It’s feeling at peace and at ease with yourself, the choices you make, and the relationships you create. Finding freedom in your relationships, even the one with yourself, can allow your love to expand.

Being FREE is accessing your limitless power, building strong commitments, and understanding how to express and feel absolute love. Whether single, dating, or married, finding your freedom means you choose what you need, want or desire. Find freedom within in order to be expansive and open to love in all capacities of your life.

Challenge yourself to become absolutely, undoubtedly free this February.

how to feel free in relationships
Photo: Stocksy/ Liliya Rodnikova


F is to feel your feelings

Feel into where you’re not free in your relationships. We are sensitive beings and sometimes we let it get the better of us. Sometimes things are begging to release from us and we try too hard to hold on. We need to be open to it all. Shift into the anxious, raw, and vulnerable feelings. Evolving and growing isn’t always beautiful, but the transformation on the other side has pure magic. Try journaling out all the areas, aspects ,and relationships in your life and identify with a check mark which ones make you feel free and which ones make you feel stuck or stagnant.

R is for releasing the old ways

Break the patterns holding you back from feeling free, beautiful, vibrant, abundant, and your most aligned self. Take ownership of your truth, even if it’s hard; your wants and needs are worthy to be heard by you! Too often it’s the fear of how you’ll be received that creates a feeling of restriction. By taking responsibility for your own needs, you immediately begin to set yourself free. Speak up and meet yourself right where you are. Tell your ego, your partner, friends and loved ones your truest feelings from a place of compassion and love for yourself—and allow the shifts to come.

E is for engaging with your heart vs your ego

You are here, right now. You exist. You feel. Your needs and your truth matter. Staying grounded and connected allows you to cultivate the life you desire. Become aware of the voice inside your head and distinguish it against the voice inside your heart. Take up space and open up to a life full of abundance, health, joy, peace, boundaries, and love. Bring attention to your heart’s needs and desires through meditation, reiki, or other conscious exercises. Begin to visualize and create a life made up of all your desires.

E is to express yourself so you can be FREE

As humans, there is learning and beauty in all of our feelings. Understanding, embracing, and speaking out the truth of your feelings can open yourself up to vibrant freedom. There’s no such thing as perfect, and finding joy in this truth can be so rewarding. Cry, scream, laugh, doubt, hope, feel, and smile. Have an impromptu dance party in the kitchen. Laugh at yourself for being clumsy or forgetful—even for being late! Watch a movie that makes tears stream down your face just because you need a good cry. Share the major moments (and all the moments in-between) to open yourself more to the bliss in life and the intimacy of love. Love isn’t perfect. Freeing yourself from that belief makes it more available to you.

This week, check in with your FREE and embrace your journey wherever you are. Connect with yourself and your loved ones on a deeper level. Get real and be authentically you. Show up to that thing that may feel too much for you and hold space for it. (Even if it’s just to sit with the feeling of it so you can calibrate your energy to receive it in the future.) If you are willing to be vulnerable, to talk and feel your way through these shifts, then you’ll be able to connect on a new level of freedom where all things become possible for you!

Kelsey Patel headshot
Photo: Kelsey Patel

Kelsey Patel is a sought-after spiritual empowerment coach, yoga teacher, reiki healer, and meditation teacher. She is also the creator and founder of Magik Vibes, a soul-enhancing lifestyle brand, the resident reiki instructor for Soho House, and a head teacher at The DEN Meditation and Unplug Meditation in Los Angeles. Kelsey has been featured in publications such as US WeeklyHarper’s Bazaar, and The New York Times.

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