“For those who are away from their partners, the definition of sex might be changing,” says sexologist Sadie Allison, PhD, founder of GoLove CBD natural lube. “As your standard notions of intimacy are shifting, it makes sense that your idea of foreplay will as well. While you might often rely on things like physical touch, long-distance relationships give you an opportunity to harness the power of the mind.”
This is especially important if you’ve suddenly been thrust (no pun intended) into a long-distance dating situation during social distancing. So to fuel those flames of desire, you want to be active in visualizing, not just fantasizing. Enter: the sexual vision board.
“I like to recommend creating a sexual vision board with your partner, where you keep track of the things you’d like to do together—both apart and together.” —sexologist Sadie Allison, PhD
“I like to recommend creating a sexual wish list or vision board with your partner, where you keep track and take time to talk through all of the things you’d like to do together—both apart and together,” says Dr. Allison. “Set aside some time to talk it through, reading slowly and really letting your partner dig into why they want to do something and how they’d like to do it—allowing you both to use your imaginations and really explore your desires and fantasies together in a safe, and sexy, way.”
By making your sexual vision board, you’re allowing yourself to look toward the future on a nebulous timeline, which is a good golden rule for any relationship. Writing these ideas down, and making them tangible provides access to a grander plan in the moments after you get off FaceTime.
And, again, sexual vision boards can benefit the passion output of any person. If you live with your partner, for instance, the cabin fever-y feeling of being trapped together and reading doom-and-gloom headlines at all hours might well not keep you in the mood. But using the intentions you set with your sexual vision board, you’ll be able to keep stock of what your ultimate ideal situation is—and focusing on that can help you and your partner break through lulls. And if you’re single and hornier than ever before, sexual vision boarding can give you something to work toward.
But how, exactly, do you make one? Well, that depends on how you like to be turned on.
How to make a sexual vision board, no matter your relationship status
If you’d rather focus on mental visualization, find a comfortable spot to sit or lie down. Close your eyes, relax, focus on your breath, and let your thoughts slow down, calming your mind. Then think of a feature about sex that turns you on—whether solo, partnered, or something you’d like to try.
“This is a slightly more tangible version of fantasizing since there’s more effort and intention put forth—which can inspire heightened arousal and stronger emotions,” says Dr. Allison. “These are things that could happen in real life, and that you actively want to pursue. This sense of reality is powerful when it comes to sexual desire.”
And if the visual cues really help you, you can compile aspirational imagery, and look at it to spark your imagination and sense of desire. “This could be a mix of sensual or provocative images, such as pleasures you already love, activities you may want to try, or fantasies you’ve had,” says Dr. Allison. “Note that when it comes to fantasies, anything goes—and fantasies are fine staying fantasies as they aren’t always meant to be physically fulfilled.”
You can use a photo-collage tool, make a PG-rated version on Pinterest, or simply compile pictures of Oscar Issac in a desktop folder called “Space Daddy.” And you can still add more dimension to the experience with a brain orgasm to complement…well, you know.
“Once you have your sexual solo-foreplay vision board together, run it into mental-stimulation overdrive with the popular ASMR—or autonomous sensory meridian response,” says Dr. Allison. “ASMR are sounds that mentally relax you and help drive you to a state of bliss, including cat-purring, humming, and, my personal fave, whispering.”
Ultimately, though, the best way to make a sexual vision board is the way that works for you. It’s simply about reprioritizing sensuality, and when our regular routines are shaken up, it allows you to harness other tools to keep your passion alive.
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